I'm a Member of the PTA
by Yours The Author
Summary: I'm a member of the PTA/ I'm a member of the PTA/ There with the Frisk in the evening/ Fighting the s'burban moms (s'burban moms)/ Come on, dear teachers/ Come on, parents/ Late for the meeting and you'll miss the verbal wrecks/ Cover your kids ears because there is a show today/ Become a member of the PTA!
1. The List

I'm a Member of the PTA

By: Yours The Author

Howdy. It's me, Yours The Author. As you can see, I've gotten into Undertale, especially PTA Undertale. I've decided to update The List portion of this story, so that it fits less with what I've seen in other comics and stories and fits more with the actual story I've written. I also want to avoid the usual subject matter for PTA things like sexism and abusive situations, not because I don't think those are real problems, but because I've read so many things about those subjects that I don't want to bore people with repeats of what they're already seen.

So here's how this will go down: If something comes up randomly one day, I'll write about it. I don't really want suggestions about what to write, because I feel like reviews and PMs should be more personal and relevant to the writing style than that, so don't rush off to the bottom of the page to write your ideas. You can write those ideas yourself. They are _your_ ideas, after all.

The following list is how I've come to see some of the PTA characters. I'm missing some people and I didn't include the suburban moms, and they're not really set in stone, but you can use this as a reference for your own stories if you're looking for a place to start in your own fanfiction. I might comb through the list on occasion for inspiration. Hopefully, I won't immediately abandon this thing as soon as I put it up. In all honesty, this is kind of just a hook to catch some views. But never mind my problems, how about your problems? Here's the list, do with it what you will. See you later, hopefully.

* * *

PTA Sans: The primary choice for PTA shenanigans. Dunks everyone and has a PHD in several sciences. Best nightmare of Linda.

PTA Toriel: Teacher of the school Frisk attends. Often can't attend due to grading but comes when she can. Bakes the best pies.

PTA Papyrus: Assistant gym coach with questionable cooking skills. Literally everyone loves him.

PTA Asgore: School gardener. Does not typically attend meetings, but still volunteers for events. Works closely with the mayor of Ebott Town on the Monster x Human school.

PTA Undyne: Gym coach for literally all the sports. Suplexes the meeting table when no one eats her snacks.

PTA Alphys: Most highly respected scientist in the field of robotics but is studying other fields to assist monsters and humans who want to study other sciences. Rarely comes to meetings, but always comes with Undyne when she does.

PTA Mettaton EX: A patron of the Monster x Human school; is a strong advocate of STEAM classes. Classic and NEO forms do not attend meetings.

PTA Muffet: #1 bake sale queen; co-treasurer with Grillby.

PTA Flowey: Head of the PTA. Acts as Frisk's ears, eyes, and occasionally mouth. Possesses some of Omega Flowey's powers.

PTA Frisk: Not a PTA member but is brought along sometimes due to time constraints. Usually does home and ambassador work while the others talk.

PTA Chara: The demon who comes when you bad mouth Frisk. Likes chocolate.

PTA Temmie: President of the PTA, which is different from the head of the PTA. Usually not present, but rules with a democratic paw. OH MOI!1!

PTA Gaster: Frisk's science loving void grandpa. Grandpa Gaster void sneaks up onto the snack table by accident and takes Sans' place when he's unwell.

PTA Grillby: Expert caterer. Doesn't typically attend meetings due to the rumor that he works part time as a dancing janitor. Co treasurer with Muffet.

PTA Napstablook: Always comes to meetings. Always.

PTA Mad Dummy: Counselor at the school. Hands out free toy knives. Has anger issues.


	2. Don't Touch Me, I'm Frisk

What is up. This is the first one shot I came up with, which came to me two nights ago and so I thought it was kind of funny. That's pretty much all there is to say on the matter. See you at the bottom of the page.

* * *

Don't Touch Me, I'm Frisk

"Frisk, stop signing and use words." Frisk blinked and looked up from their homework at Linda blearily. That day, Toriel was busy grading papers at school, and everyone else was busy with their own work to come look after Frisk at home, so Sans had to bring them with him to the PTA meeting. This happened every so often, and couldn't be helped. Frisk didn't mind much, but it was rather exhausting to block out all the noises of a meeting while they were doing their own work. Honestly, it's like no one knows they have a job. Like, geez, man.

Everyone in the room sighed quietly, Linda included. It was starting to get late, and everyone just wanted to go home and be chill. But Linda had to go and not be chill anyway, because conflict. Flowey didn't even bother looking away from the window he was staring at, and just shifted around in his PTA pot with a rustle of his leaves.

Sans rolled his eye sockets and said, "Linda, it's the third quarter, you already know that sign language is a certified form of communication. Quit your whining. Besides, they weren't evening signing; they were counting for a math problem. Go back to work, Frisk." Frisk nodded and scribbled an answer on the paper.

"Well, if they're as _great_ as you keep saying they are, how come they have to count on their hands?"

"You were doing that this morning, Linda. I know because _I_ had to go shopping with _you_ for box tops."

"I wouldn't have had to count if _you_ hadn't fallen asleep on the counter."

" _You_ wouldn't let me have my coffee."

" _You_ shouldn't need coffee because _you_ are a skeleton."

"It doesn't work like that, Linda."

"Everyone keeps saying that, but then they don't explain _how_ it works."

"Well, I'll tell you..." Frisk gathered up their things and walked towards the exit of the classroom.

"And just _where_ do you think you're going?" Linda asked, standing abruptly from her seat. Frisk signed something over their shoulder about finding a quiet place to work. "I don't know what you're _saying_ —" She began to stalk towards Frisk. Sans, who was sitting next to her, grabbed at Linda's sleeve.

"Don't touch Frisk," he said, his voice growing a bit in pitch. Flowey suddenly turned his attention to the two humans and monster, eyes widening. The other parents, monster and human alike, sat up and looked at each other. _This_ was new.

Linda ripped her arm away from the skeleton and continued to follow the child. "If you won't control them, I will!" she called to Sans over her shoulder.

"Listen to the smiley one, Linda," Flowey said, his voice a bit higher than normal. "No one touches Frisk."

Alas, Linda did not heed their warnings. Poor, stupid human.

Linda snatched Frisk's hand, about to whine something about using words, when Frisked whipped around, eyes wide with fury, opened their mouth, and

"DON'T _TOUCH_ _ **MEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEE**_ _ **!**_ "

.

.

.

Frisk skipped out of the room.

"...The meeting is adjourned." Flowey toggled the controls for his remote controlled red wagon toy and stretched his leaves towards Sans. "Pick me up, smiley one."

Sans lifted Flowey out of his wagon and hurried out of the room.

* * *

Head canon I don't actually think #1: Flowey has a "PTA pot", which is just his normal flower pot with a tie sticker on it and a name tag.

Head canon I don't actually think #2: Frisk sounds like Calvin the Computer, which is why they only speak when they want to.

In case you couldn't tell, I made myself type today. I don't know what it is with me, but I've just felt pain whenever I do something productive. I only want to be on the internet and not do work. I'm wondering if laziness can cause physical aching when typing, even though I do like reading and writing. I'm sad now. I'm going to stop. Please tell me if you liked what you read. Have good night.


	3. Lethal Irony

Hey, it's me again. Don't expect daily updates, because I don't really plan on doing them, especially now that spring break is over. This story is longer than yesterdays, and more detailed, considering I literally made this up as I went. I hope you enjoy.

Shout out to Aranaagf for giving me a virtual cookie and stating that I made her laugh. That made feel good. Also shout out to Starryskys102, who asked for more, which is appreciated (Also, "skies" is spelled wrong in your name, but I think you know that). Lastly, shout out to "Lol Guest Name". Yes, yes, the summary is to the tune of Midnight Crew. I made it up on the spot, like this story today. Thank you all for reading this. Now, if only I could get this kind of action for my not humorous stories... (Hint hint nudge nudge wonk wonk).

* * *

Lethal Irony

Gloria was waiting outside of the monster x human school that her daughter was attending. Gosh dang was she not feeling well. Despite her pledge to not go out to that new monster restaurant, Grillby's Up Top, for a nightly drink, she still had a headache about as bad as good old fashioned hangover. It might have had something to do with that flaming bartender with the amazing mopping skills...

"Mom. Mom. Hey, mom. Mom?" Gloria blinked her droopy brown eyes and looked down at her kid, Mary, who she was picking up from art club before the PTA meeting.

"What. What. What is it. What?" Gloria responded in a voice that revealed how sick she felt.

Mary held up a small paper box for Gloria to see, oblivious to her mother's predicament. "When you go to the meeting today, can you give this to the head of the PTA? I heard he was a flower, so I thought he might like this..."

"Yeah, sure. That's fine." Gloria took the box and cradled it absently in one hand.

Mary grinned, "Thanks, mom." She turned away from Gloria and skipped inside towards the cafeteria, where the meeting was going to be held that day. Gloria sighed, rubbed her head with her free hand and followed her daughter slowly.

The two of them were close, really, but Gloria got tired very easily of the shenanigans that went on in her life ever since her husband left the state to go back to college. A little drink now and then helped to keep her sane, she told others when they asked. Mary herself, though a bit naive on occasion, was responsible and kept her mother under control, making sure to slowly decrease her mother's dependency. It was a sweet story, but it's not the one you came for.

They entered the cafeteria just in time for the meeting to start, though there was a slight delay because a monster, an angry doll the size of a small child, was causing a ruckus at the snack table.

"These lemon bars are awful!" It shrieked.

"Hey!" said Helen, the maker of said lemon bars.

Sans the skeleton, who was accompanied again by his kid, Frisk, was gently pulling the other monster away from the snacks. "Yes, Mad Dummy, everyone knows the bars are awful."

"I'm right here!" Helen whined.

"But you don't have to eat them if you don't like them. Just be chill."

The monster, dubbed Mad Dummy, grumbled angrily and hovered towards his seat at the meeting table next to the quiet ghost that always came to the meetings. Always.

"Okay, people, settle down," called Flowey, the head of the PTA. Today, his PTA pot consisted of a light blue tie sticker and a cartoony name tag that read, "Howdy. I'm Flowey. Flowey the Head of the PTA." He picked up the remote control for the red wagon toy he liked to travel in and revved the engine a bit for attention. Gloria sat next to Mary, who had sat next to Frisk and Sans. Mary nudged her mom with her shoulder and pointed to the box she was still holding.

"Oh, excuse me, Mr. Flowey," Gloria called, raising her hand. "My daughter brought something for you." Mary shrunk in her seat.

Flowey narrowed his eyes and nyoomed over to Gloria. "What is it?" he asked warily. Gloria shrugged and set the box in front of him, used to this behavior after weeks of meetings.

Flowey lifted the lid of the box and peeked inside. "Bzzz! Bzzz! BZZZ!" said the bee that came out of the box.

Flowey screamed bloody murder and toppled off of the wagon, dropping the controls so hard that the reverse switch activated and made the wagon ram into Helen's chest. The ghost who always came to meetings quietly moaned, "oh, nooo..." and floated into the ceiling while his cousin shouted at him to get his idiot-self back here this instant or no ghost desert.

"OH, GOLLY. OH, GEEZUMS. I'M ALLERGIC! GET IT AWAY!" Flowey shrieked, scrambling as well as he could in his pot with his vines, spilling dirt all over the table.

"Bzzz..." said the bee.

"EEEEYOOWW!" IT STUNG ME! IT STUNG MY VINE! IS IT PUFFY? DO I LOOK PUFFY?" Flowey wrapped the injured vine around Frisk's head to make sure they could see the wound properly, lifted them into the air, and started shaking them by the head. " _DO I LOOK PUFFY?_ "

Sans grabbed the plant and the human and yelled, "For Pete's sake, could someone call a doctor already?!" Pete ran to the nearest landline.

"I'm sorry," Mary blubbered through her tears. "I thought... because he was a flower—"

"Don't cry," Frisk signed. "It was an honest mistake."

Mary continued to cry, Gloria doing her best to comfort her while she recaptured the bee in the box. It was going to take a lot of nice cream and cold beverages to fix the mental state of those involved.

* * *

Head canon I don't actually think #3: Asriel was allergic to bee stings, and the allergy remained when he became Flowey. Oh, cruel irony.

Please, leave a review, tell me what you thought, and check out my other stories. Okay thank you goodbye.


	4. Joi to the World

Hi, I'm back. I told you I wouldn't be here every day. This is the longest chapter, I believe, so please do enjoy it. Critique is begged for, over and over, begged for. Begged for. Begged for. Shout out to micahk for following and favoriting, shout out to ASkipInTime for following, and nobody important for reviewing. Nobody important? 900 years of traveling through time and space, and I've never met anybody who wasn't important.

* * *

Joi to the World

"Winter. Wwwwinter winter winter. Winter. I hope you're writing this down," said Flowey. The man he was driving next to sniffed and wrote something down on his clipboard. Flowey adjusted the controls on his wagon toy and faced the door to room eleven. The door was shut. The man waited. Flowey backed up his wagon before driving forward and hitting the door with a light thump. He backed up and hit the door again. And again. Over and over...

The door finally opened, and a goat woman as tall as the man greeted them. "Greetings, sir. You must be the official PTA person with official business whose only purpose is to progress the plot. I am Toriel, a teacher at this school." She smiled down at the sentient flower. "How was the tour, Flowey?"

"Fine, I guess," he replied, shrugging his leaves. "I mean, as fine as a tour of a school can go."

"That's good to hear." Toriel stepped back into the room and gestured to the man. "Please, do come in. Everyone has been awaiting your arrival—"

"HEY whoa whoa," said Flowey, revving his engine. "Who's the head of the PTA here?"

"Of course. Forgive me, Flowey."

"You get a warning. Now pick me up, mom."

"I am not your mother."

"Denial."

Toriel sighed and bent over to hoist the flowerpot and wagon combo. The man walked past them into the room, clipping a short and irritable sigh.

"BEEP BEEP BEEP!" said Flowey. "Official flower business! Get out of my chair, Linda!"

Linda grumbled something about letting monsters run the PTA and the children's safety as she stomped away from Toriel's teacher desk and into one of the student desks like the rest of the parents. Toriel placed Flowey onto the desk and squeezed into a tiny desk between Sans and Linda, who were glaring at each other spitefully.

"BEEP BEEP," said Flowey as he beeped the horn on the controls. "Howdy, folks. I'm Flowey. Flowey the Head of the PTA."

"We know who you are," the parents chorused in unison. Flowey stuck his tongue out.

 _"Anyway_ , we have a special guest today from the state government, the official PTA person with official business whose only purpose is to progress the plot." The man stood next to the desk and looked important and stern and stuff. He wore a name tag that read, "Hi, I'm the official PTA person with official business whose only purpose is to progress the plot." It was amazing how he managed to fit that all in there.

The man pointed at the chair behind the teacher's desk. "May I take this?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure," Flowey waved him off. The man pulled the chair next to the desk and sat in it.

"I'm here to observe how the PTA meetings at this school take place and to make sure that it's all within regulation," he said. "For the record, I'd like to establish that... er, Flowey here is the wholly recognized PTA president, yes?"

"No," said everyone.

"The PTA president doesn't come to meetings," Flowey said. "The head of the PTA does. That's me."

"Aren't those positions the same thing?" the man asked.

"No," everyone said again.

"You sure got that wrong, buddy," Flowey said with a wink and a giggle. He leaned closer to the man. "Mix those positions up one more time and I'll end you." The man shivered at the fangs and black eyes that had been flashed at him by a flower.

"That may pose a problem, then," he cleared his throat to steady himself. "I have to talk to the one who officially sets actions the PTA votes on into motion."

"Well, golly gosh darn gee!" Flowey rolled his eyes. " _Maybe_ if you had actually _said that_ over the phone, we wouldn't have this issue, would we? Luckily for you, one of the parents here has them on call and can get the president in here."

"It's not even a real parent," Linda said loudly. "It has a hardboiled egg for a child."

"NO!1!" A voice shouted from the back. "Tem is pROUD pARENT!"

"Yes, yes, we know," Flowey shouted back. "Can you just call the president?"

"HOI!"

"Their child doesn't even attend this school! Oh, what am I saying, it's an egg, eggs don't attend school. Stupid monsters..."

"Do you want to have a bad time, Linda?"

"Shut up, Sans!"

"HOI!1!" A new voice that sounded identical to one of the parents in the room stopped everyone in the room. The man, who had been about to write something scathing on his clipboard, stopped and looked up at the still open door. Whatever it was, it was definitely a monster, he noted quickly on his clipboard. It skipped on its four paws up to the teacher desk and jumped on top next to Flowey.

"Hoi!" It said again. "PTA prez-E-dent Temmie is here!"

"Okay, the president's here now, are you happy?" Flowey asked the man.

"Mmm, yes," he said. "I'll be talking to them after this meeting, so please continue on with your normal schedule."

"Sheesh, what did you need the president for _now_ , then? Whatever, like I was telling you in the hallway, we still need to discuss which winter play we're going to put on before break."

" _Christmas play_ , you mean," Linda sniffed. "It is Christmas break, after all."

"Linda, we agreed last week that the official title was winter break, not Christmas break." Sans grinned not-happily at her.

"But it does happen around Christmas, not those other holidays," Helen piped up. "But that's not the point. I agree with Linda's notion from last week that we should do a nativity scene."

"The nativity scene _is_ nice, ladies, but we should keep in mind that some families don't celebrate," Toriel said calmly. "Perhaps we should select a more inclusive and child friendly play."

"The nativity scene is _perfectly_ child friendly!" Linda said indignantly.

"I never said it wasn't."

"You just want to put on some _monster_ Christmas play, don't you?" Helen grumped.

"Monsters don't really have any Christmas plays, since we don't celebrate Christmas. We have similar decorations because of a seasonal event revolving around a story about giving gifts to a monster with trees for horns that were decorated by some unruly teens."

"What a vulgar story," Linda said, putting a hand to her chest, "and you want to recreate it for the _children_ —"

"It's a beautiful day outside," Sans said, looking dramatically at the ceiling.

"Now listen to me you little—"

"NO! PTA prez-E-dent says... no foight! 'Kay?" Temmie stomped its front paw firmly on the table.

"But, Ms. Temmie..." Linda began.

"No foight! All agree, say 'HOI'!"

"Hoi?" some of the parents said, more as a question than a response.

"'Kay, 'kay, no foight!" The president, now confirmed a female, the man noted on his clipboard, vibrated intensely.

"Y-you're avoiding the problem!" Helen stammered.

"Yes," said Linda. "You just want to look like you won't pick sides. But _we_ already know whose side you're on, don't we? It's all the same with you monsters."

Temmie made a strange smirk at the two ladies. "Is this a joke?" she asked coldly with a sharp sound on each word. "Are you having a chuckle? I'm the one with a degree, a successful business, _and_ the presidency." The ladies sat down and looked at their laps. "That's what I thought."

The meeting continued on normally after that, the president making occasional interjections and vibrating noises. It was eventually decided that there would be a chorus in the stead of a play. Judges were decided, (two monsters and two humans, to the displeasured faces of some of the parents) and the meeting was adjourned. The official PTA person with official business whose only purpose is to progress the plot declined talking to the president afterwards, claiming to have "seen enough", which was just as well as the president had left due to vibrating too intensely. The man stepped outside the classroom and leaned against the hallway, muttering, "Monsters," before finishing the notes on his clipboard. _Despite the arguments between the humans and monsters, it cannot be denied that the PTA is efficient enough at making decisions to not be forcefully ended. So it seems, the monster x human school will remain in good standing."_ The man frowned and reread his words. "Perhaps... I could word it... differently..." he placed the pen on the paper and was about to write when it felt like there was something on his back. He jumped away from the wall and saw a hole, and in the hole he saw a face. It was a Temmie.

"Hoi," it whispered. It took the clipboard by its mouth and pulled it into the hole. "You will regret this." The man blinked. The hole was gone now. The man slowly walked out of the building. The clipboard was returned to the state government building later on, along with the PTA grading paper. The notes had been left untouched.

* * *

Head canon I don't actually think #4: OSP = One School Pairing: monster x human school.

This chapter reaches back to the roots of humans who don't like anything monster, both in the PTA and in the government. Realistically, it might not be as blunt as it was here, but I'm not one to know about such things. Leave a review, tell me what you thought, and read my other stuff. Have a good night, all.


	5. A Gentlemanly Game of Table Stickball

Greetings, all. I told you all not to expect daily updates, didn't I? Well, the important thing is, I'm back.

I originally wanted to post something yesterday, but I didn't get around to it. But it's here now. The story itself isn't really anything super amazing ; as a matter of fact, I just typed off the top of my head. I really just wanted to write my feelings about something very important and recent: Homestuck.

I'm going to write all of that after the story, so if you don't want spoilers, just read the head canon I don't actually think and then leave. Please, enjoy the story.

* * *

A Gentlemanly Game of Table Stickball

Gaster burbled into the room. Despite visiting the PTA meetings on occasions before now, he was still considered an anomaly to most of the parents and teachers attending. It seems that some things don't change, whether you're in the Void or not.

"Dr. Gaster," a mother, Linda, if Gaster recalled correctly, approached him warily with a grimace on her face. "How... delightful to see you here. I presume Sans has gotten sick if you're here, then?"

"Indeed," Gaster replied softly, signing his words simultaneously. "I believe it may have something to do with his insistence on working late hours. I shall have to discuss that with him this evening."

Linda nodded, only sort of listening. "The meeting will begin in a minute, so you may want to hurry if you want something to eat. Or can eat, now that I think about it..."

"Yes, perhaps I will do that. I occasionally enjoy consuming eatables." Gaster nodded politely at Linda before his head and hands slid with squelching sound to the other side of his body. Sadly, his time in the Void had done a number on his ability to focus on his physical relationships with the physical world, so it was much easier to remain a gooey black blob with hands and a face than force himself into something more presentable. Perhaps one day...

Gaster reached the snack table and reached for a plastic knife. He cut a nice sized brownie square and set for himself on a napkin. He was about to turn away when a thought flashed across his face. He slowly cut the brownie into four smaller squares, then cut another square in the bottom left corner of the top right square. He cut another brownie into a triangle with an odd rectangle sticking out of the top. Putting the brownie pieces together made them resemble a house of sorts.

Oh...

That's right.

"Gaster, stop leaking all over the snack table!" Flowey yelled from across the room.

"My lemon squares!" Helen cried.

"My brownies!" Linda shouted angrily, stomping towards the void grandpa. "Now, you listen to me, monster man, I don't care how many doctorates you have, you—" she stopped short. "Dr. Gaster...?

Gaster turned his head to her slowly, most of his body melting all over the snack table and floor. From his blank, cresent shaped eye sockets, black oil seemed to slip slowly down his chin. He didn't speak, but his hands moved, "I don't know..." His body sank into the floor and disappeared, leaving oil slicks where he had melted.

"Freaking fantastic," Flowey grumbled loudly. "Well, we still have a meeting, so everyone take a seat."

-TIME-SKIP-

The meeting ended with little upset, and the parents began to file out of the meeting room. Linda picked up her brownie dish in disgust, trying not to touch any of the monster slime that freak of a freak oozed everywhere. She pressed her lips tightly and left the room, intending to throw the dish away as soon as she got home. She passed a teacher's common room in the hallway and heard a quiet clicking sound from the closed door. Linda paused, wondering if she had imagined it when she heard it again, followed by an even fainter rolling sound. Linda placed the ruined brownies on the floor and quietly opened the door. The windows were dark. The room, darker. The monster in the room, yet darker.

"Dr. Gaster?" Linda said, almost incredulous.

Gaster turned to face the mother. He seemed a bit taller, and it almost seemed as if he had arms and a dark coat instead of a blobby body and floating hands. "Ah, Linda..." he said quietly. He set down the object he was holding to sign to her.

"I'm not deaf, I can hear you," Linda clipped a bit sharply.

Gaster nodded and reequipped the object, but his fingers twitched and tapped the thing anyway. "Of, course, I know. Old habits die hard, they say." He turned away from her and leaned over the table in the middle of the room.

"...You missed the meeting," Linda said more quietly.

"I know. I deemed that I was... unfit for the responsibility today."

Linda stepped further into the room. "What are you doing?" she asked.

Gaster shuffled to the side and the light from the hallway fell on a table with green felt on top with balls of different colors randomly placed on the felt.

"Back in the Underground," he explained, "someone at the lab I worked in found something like this in the dump and brought it back. We probably would have just used it as a normal table, but, luckily, it came with instructions." He rubbed the object in his hands, which was now revealed to be a long stick that was almost as tall as he was. "When I wasn't working on the Core, I was practicing this game. Eventually, I became quite the professional player of Table Stickball."

"What?" said Linda.

"Oh, my, have you never played? It's quiet simple, really. You just keep hitting the roundcircles until they're all swallowed by the empty sockets—"

"Pool, Dr. Gaster. The game is called Pool, _not_ 'table stickball'."

Gaster was silent for a moment. Then he sighed. Then he sighed again. With each sigh, his limbs and coat melted slowly back into a blob. "Forgive me. I know the game's name, it's just..." He sighed one last time, reverting fully into the form he had arrived at the school with. "It's a very long story."

Linda shifted her weight and looked at a wall. "I don't have to go anywhere tomorrow," she said, "and tomorrow is a weekend, so there's no school. I have time."

Gaster's eye sockets blinked impossibly, and then he slowly smiled. "I would be happy to tell you. Do have a seat." Linda grabbed a chair and positioned it near the still open door. Gaster aimed his stick at one of the roundcircles and hit it with a satisfying click. "It's a story about a boy and his friends who play a game together..."

* * *

Head canon I don't actually think #5: Gaster is more math and science nerdy than fandom nerdy, but he does have a secret love for Homestuck (Which I don't own).

I like to think that Linda really is a little too hateful of things and people that are too different, but I also like to think that she truly is a mother at heart, and wants to look after others, even if she tends to go about it the wrong way. I also think that she and Gaster would get along, at least much better than she and Sans. Of course, he's still a monster, so she can't just treat him _too_ normally. No, no, that would be ridiculous. I josh, of course, but that's how she would see it. Also, please note, the title is a reference to the Paradox Space comic, The Inaugural Death of Mister Seven, which is why it's important.

And now, spoilers.

So. Homestuck is over. Seven years of kids in a game. Gone, just like that. Not actually gone, of course, but gone is the anticipation of what happens next, and what Andrew Hussie has in store for his readings. I arrived on the band wagon a little late, close to when the Gigapause was going to end. The first time I had to wait for an update was when John played the pipe organ to remove the oil on LOWAS. So, yeah, pretty late. But the thing that counts is that it was an amazing journey and now it's over. I mean, I'm not, like, crying sad, or anything, but I'm still... displeased, I suppose is the word. I understand that the ending was left ambiguous, but I'm still left with too many questions. I could probably go on for a while and find every little thing I'm wondering about, but two in particular really get to me. Number one: Gamzee Makara. He showed up for a second in S: Collide, but that was it. He didn't even show up in act seven, unless I missed that somehow. Did they just keep him in the fridge forever? I'm not sure how troll bodies work, but I think that he'd probably starve to death or something if he was left in there. Maybe it's just me. Secondly, the last surviving trolls and Dad Crocker. I don't think I'm an expert in God Tier logic, but the case of conditional immortality seems to mean that you only die if killed in a heroic or just way. However, I don't think there's ever mention of the kids aging. They celebrate John's birthday, but we can't really tell if he's gotten older. Do the god kids remain the same age physically forever? If that's the case, than Rose is technically thirteen and her girlfriend Kanaya is sixteen in human years. If it keeps going like that, then they're all eventually going to die and leave the kids alone. I know they were busy with the game, but did this really not come up at all? Three years alone on a meteor/ battle ship, and no one brought it up? It's really weird for me to think about. And there's so much more: how carapaces reproduce so quickly, if other humans and were created to replace the lost one, the matriorb, the dream bubbles, doomed Caliborn, the exact nature of Lord English's death and the juju that killed him, the new life for the ghosts in the mentioned dream bubbles, if I really sat down and though for a while, I could keep going. But I won't because I'm tired of typing and my wrists hurt.

So, back to the story, did you like it? Leave a review and tell me, please. Also, if someone who's even remotely decent at Japanese to English translation, if you could make a video on YouTube that has English subtitles for Ao Oni Movie and Ao Oni Ver. 2, GiVe To Me PlEaSe.


	6. Happy 400th Death Anniversary

Hey, everyone. It's a little early, but Shakespeare's death anniversary is in two days. So hooray and all that. I take a Shakespeare class at school, so the excitement gets real. Everyone helped pay for a cake to give to our teacher and she cried a bit. Good times. So, in honor of the Bard's passing, please enjoy this story.

* * *

Happy 400th Death Anniversary

When the monsters were trapped in the underground, they became something of a time capsule. All of their technology, books, and buildings were based off of what had been considered the norm before the barrier was created. The only access monsters had to the material evolution of humans was whatever fell into the dump, which was usually the least optimal of human creations. Still, the monsters made do with what they had and what little they could learn.

Toriel, like almost all of the monsters, had a love of books and reading. While she was mostly known for reading joke books and snail fact books, there was one human authoring in particular that she had a fondness for. Naturally, since the books came underground via the dump, she had never managed to read one of this writer's works in its entirety, but she loved each word nonetheless.

When the monsters were freed from the underground, she had learned with delight that many humans shared mutual feelings about this playwright, and had millions of copies of nearly all of his works. She bought one of all. Since Toriel had surrounded herself with people who understood her passion, she was quiet surprised at the response she received when she proposed putting on one of these plays to the PTA.

"Absolutely not!" Linda stated.

Toriel blinked. "Why not?"

"Because that's much too difficult for the children," Linda replied. Helen nodded next to her.

"Besides, _I_ heard that Shakespeare didn't even write his own plays," Linda crossed her arms and smirked. "He stole them from the nobleman who wrote them and claimed them as his own."

Toriel stood from her chair and set her palms on the table. "That simply isn't true," she said indignantly. "There is no proof that anyone else wrote Shakespeare's works. And saying that Shakespeare is too hard to learn is just going to hurt the children in the long run."

"Just because there isn't proof of something doesn't mean it's not true," Linda replied, "like the fact that monsters would eat people when they fell underground—"

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

"Hey, HEY, order in the cafeteria!" Flowey shouted, smacking the horn on his toy wagon with a tiny hammer like a gavel. "There will be no smack talking in my meeting!" Linda tusked and flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder. Flowey drove between Toriel and Linda and shifted his gaze at them, His eyes dark and fanged mouth turned in a frown.

Toriel sighed and slowly sat down. "I apologize, Flowey," she said.

Flowey nodded curtly and turned to Linda, who remained silent. "You too, Linda."

"Fine," she said. "I'm sorry… that you're a monster." Flowey growled and summoned siome friendliness pellets.

Helen quickly raised her hand. "Perhaps we should put it to a vote. All in favor of making our children recite a difficult, boring play full of violence, raise your hand." No one raised their hand. "Alright, and those in favor of giving our children a much easier, happier play that they will have fun with, raise your hand." Nearly everyone's hand went up. Helen smirked at Toriel. "We have a majority."

"That was clearly a biased vote!" Toriel protested.

"Oh, sorry, dear, sometimes monsters don't get their way. That's life," Linda smiled as sweetly as vinegar. "And look at the time; it's time for the meeting to be over."

"Hold it!" Flowey beeped his horn. "The meeting is over when I say it's over!"

"You can't keep us here!" Helen said loudly. "We have places to be!"

"I have to make dinner!" A father shouted.

"I have a date!"

"I have to pay the babysitter!

"My project needs to get done!"

"My watermelon!"

"ALRIGHT!" Flowey shouted angrily. "MEETING DISMISSED! EVERYONE GET OUT!" Flowey sighed as everyone exited. "Sorry you didn't get your play, Mom."

"It's alright," Toriel sighed and picked Flowey up in his wagon, "and I'm not your mother."

"Mom, can we have watermelon after dinner?"

"Very well."

 _ **Lalala~ Time Skip!**_

"What's wrong, Tori?" Sans asked. He and Papyrus had come over to Toriel's house for dinner that evening. Toriel was moving her dinner around her plate quietly. Flowey, now out of his wagon and simply in a pot on the table, spoke up.

"She's sad because the PTA didn't vote to do a dumb play that she liked. They picked one that was even dumber." Frisk batted lightly at Flowey's petals and wagged their finger in a scolding way.

"Oh, really?" Sans asked. "What was the play?"

"William Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet._ I thought it would be an excellent play for the children to perform for the school fundraiser, but, clearly, I was alone in that thought." Frisk patted her arm.

"Gee, that's too bad," Papyrus said as he got a second helping of pasta. "Mettaton would have liked that. He played a damsel in distress once when Frisk was underground, and he did magnificently."

Frisk suddenly lay one hand open upwards and smacked their palm with their other fist.

"What's up, kid?" Sans asked. Frisk raised their hands to sign, then paused to look at Toriel.

"Do you want me to leave the room, my child?" she asked. Frisk nodded.

"Well, I suppose…" She got up to leave. "Just don't make a mess."

 ** _Yadada~ Another Time Skip~_**

"Thanks for having us over! Nyeh heh heh!" Papyrus skipped out the door to his bright red car.

"Thanks, Tori," Sans said with a wave.

"Anytime, Sans. You and Papyrus are always welcome. Oh, by the way, what did Frisk say when I left?"

Sans winked. "That's a secret. But don't worry, I promise that you won't be quaking with… Shakes- _fear._ "

"SANS!" Papyrus yelled as Toriel burst out laughing.

 _ **Yadapop~ Month Long Time Skip!~**_

"May I open my eyes now, my child?" Toriel asked as Frisk pulled her along by her arm. Toriel was covering her eyes with the other arm. "It was starting to get dark when we left the house, and it has been nearly five minutes…" She stopped talking when she bumped into Frisk, who was now pulling at her sleeve. "Open my eyes now? Alright…" She removed her arm and looked around, gasping when she saw the sign.

They were both standing outside A Nearby Theater, local theater with a dumb name. A sign hanging above the two sets of doors leading inside read: _A Nearby Theater proudly presents Shakespeare's_ Romeo and Juliet _, staring the students of Ebott Elementary, and featuring Mettaton! All proceeds go to Ebott Elementary!_ The line to buy a ticket was a mix of monsters and humans, talking excitedly to each other.

Toriel wiped her eye and knelt to hug the human child. "I love it, my child. How on Earth did you manage this?" Frisk pointed behind her at the approaching Sans.

"Heya, Tori. Hey, kiddo. This whole thing looks like a success, no _tears_ about it."

Toriel quickly scrubbed at eyes and chuckled softly. "Sans! I didn't know you liked Shakespeare."

"Eh, I didn't think much about him, but then Frisk here showed me some of his comedies. I've got to love a guy who can make so many puns in ten lines."

Toriel clapped her hands. "Well, I certainly cannot wait to see what the students—"

"What is _THIS?!_ " A shout made them jump suddenly and turn to see Linda stomping towards them. Her car window was rolled down, and her son, dressed like a lamb, could be seen inside looking mortified.

"Linda," Sans said with a broad grin. "Didn't expect you to come."

"Why is there another play? You can't have two plays for the school! The school can't afford this!" She glared at Toriel. " _You_ did this, didn't you? You and that flower put this on without telling anyone. The school board won't allow! I'll tell on you both and you'll get kicked out of the school!"

"Actually, the school didn't fund this. This was entirely paid for by Mettaton and his troupe, and they'll be donating all the money earned to the school. So, yeah." Sans' grin got even bigger.

Linda sputtered, "You can't have a rival school play!"

"Shouldn't have talked smack, Linda."

Linda shouted in frustration and stormed back to the car.

"You might want to hurry," Sans called after her, "your kid's starting to look a little _sheepish_."

Linda screamed.

* * *

Head canon I don't actually think #6: Toriel has a huge passion for Shakespeare. She mostly teaches monster history, but she's been hoping to start a Shakespeare club at the school someday.

So, what did you think? Pretty cool, right? In case you're wondering, the actual, PTA approved school play was Little Bo Peep. Not that I actually know the story of Bo Peep or anything. All I know is that she lost her sheep, and that's about it. Anyone know the story? Tell me in a review.

Maybe, if enough people want it, I'll write a bit about what happened in the Shakespeare play. Or you could write it yourself. Just be sure to credit me!

Also, serious;ly, please review. I don't know what happened the last two chapters, but no one reviewed. Did you not like it? Or you just couldn't be bothered? Come on, throw me a bone or something. I know not everyone reviews, I know I don't, but even one makes me feel better.


	7. TAGWCWDABD

Hey, I'm back again. I finished my class early, so I thought I'd write. This is a horrifying amalgamation suggested by some reviews. I'd just like to say this now: I AM NEVER DOING THIS CHAPTER'S AU EVER AGAIN. Also, I don't really want too many suggestions in the reviews, because then I won't get any critique. Also, I'd like to thank everyone who wrote reviews, because you all make me smile. Here's the shout out list:

cryptologicalMystic, RanMouri82, ASkipInTime, Guest

Thanks for the reviews. Also, this list just compromises the reviewers since last chapter, not every reviewer on this story. If your name's not up here, check on my profile. At the bottom, there's a whole list of people. Also, Guest, I appreciate the reviews, but some context would be cool. Just saying. Now on with the story! I present to you: StoryFresh!

* * *

The Absolute God Who Comes When DUMMIES are Bullying, Dude

It was the nineteen ninety's or something. There was totally a PTA meeting going on and stuff. Linda, the super un-fresh mom, was wearing her totally lame clothes and being totally lame.

"Alright, everyone, it's national Anti-Bullying Month, and I was thinking that we should make organized and informational posters that help explain why people shouldn't be bullies."

All of the boring and totally lame parents in the uncool meeting room nodded. And then, a hip and most definitely FrEsH voice totally shouted, "NOT RADICAL!"

Linda sighed in an un-fresh breath. "Sans, no shouting in the meeting. And I thought I said that those clothes and that language were completely inappropriate and that you shouldn't wear them."

Sansy-Fresh, the totally hip and fReSh skele-bro stood up, revealing his fresh duds in the colors of only the freshest of rainbows, man. He pointed a neon fingerless gloved hand at her and shouted, "That's also an unradical decision!" Sansy-Fresh jumped on the table and moonwalked to the center.

"Get down from there!" Linda shouted, being not cool. "I'm calling security!"

"Listen up, bros! Bullying is a super serious and uncool thing to do, and lame and colorless posters won't do a thing. Super UnRaD!"

"Got a better idea, you crazy punk?" Linda snapped with a super bulky and slightly fresher mobile phone in her hand.

"Yo, you bet'cha I do!" He shot her a double pistols-and-a-wink. "Liggity-listen here! Kids today don't do unrad things like reading or whatever, ch'yah?"

"Plenty of children read! Or at least the good ones-!"

"And bullies so un-fresh that the kids who are being bullied are too skitty-scared to tell other dudes, riggity-right?"

"Well, that's their fault, then. They should just grow up and—"

"Bro, that's harsh. Man, why can't we just all up be loving and fresh together?" Sansy-fresh wiggled his false eyebrows and lifted his radical You-Only-Live-Once shades. "SaY tHaT aBoUt KiDs WhO gEt BuLlIeD OnE mOrE tImE aNd IlL GrOw **_you_** Up." Linda shrieked and dropped her phone on her foot.

"Any-wiggity-way, bros, this is MY totally fresh plan…"

Some Days Later, During School Hours…

A girl pushed another girl to the ground, and the two boys at her side began to kick at the grounded child. Super unrad.

"You're so lame!" One of the boys sneered at the fallen girl.

"Yeah, you like those stupid monsters, so you don't have any friends!" said the other boys.

The leader girl crossed her arms and glared at the crying girl on the ground. "I don't like your attitude, ch'yah? Those monsters are super uncool, and so are you!"

The littler girl cried and covered her head with her arms. She cried for help…

"Hey, little bros, what the higgity-hey is this noise?"

But someone came.

The bullies turned to find a small, furry goat monster in rad threads, with an even radder rainbow colored scarf around its neck.

"What are you supposed to be?" The lame girl asked.

The goat monster set its hands on its hips. "I am the Absolute God of Hyper-Fresh, yo!" He lifted his star shaped sunglasses. "WhY aRe YoU bEiNg BuLlIeS, yO?"

The lame kids screamed and ran away. The monster lowered its shades. "Turbo-tastic!" It offered a hand to the little girl who was gaping up at him like he was totally a fish. "Are you alright, my lady-bro?"

"Um," the girl said, taking its hand. "Yes?"

"Turbo-tastic!" I'm Asriel, the Absolute God of Hyper-Fresh! I'm a member of the radical Anti-Bully Squad!" He struck a pose and she giggled.

"Thank you for saving me," she said shyly.

"Yo, yo, yo! Is that my rad-bro Asriel?" A voice called from behind the two.

"Yo! Chara! You should have seen me, man!" The girl turned to see the freshest group of monsters in the entire school: the Anit-Bully Squad. Chara, the one who Asriel was doing a sick secret handshake with, was actually a human, with a neon green hoodie, pointy shades and rainbow colored knee-pads. Behind them was a skeleton with a backwards cap, shades and neon pastel duds. Behind that monster was what looked like a bro-beaten training dummy with round shades and painted pink and orange with spray paint.

"Radical, bro, radical," Chara smiled at their bro. The skeleton had turned his attention to the little girl.

"Hey-yo, dudette, what's your name?"

The girl shuffled her bland on not-so-fresh shoes. "I'm Anna."

"Awesome name, little bro! Man, do you know why those not radical bros were all up and bullying you?"

Anna looked down. "They think I'm unfresh because I don't wear the clothes they do, or talk like them. And I like the monsters, too, so I don't have any friends."

"Pah!" said the dummy, hovering in the air and boogying around. "They're totally all dummies, dummies, DUMMIES! People like us don't need friends! Who needs friends…" A neon purple Toy Knife appeared in Anna's hand. "When we have KNIVES?!"

Anna looked around at her knew Fresh friends and her super fresh present. "Thank you all so much!"

The Squad gathered around for a tubular group hug.

Head canon I don't actually think #7: Mad Dummy is a counselor at the school. He gives the kids free toy knives, and helping the kids helps his anger management.

* * *

I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN DON'T MAKE ME.

Don't expect me to write stories for suggestions. I only did it this once because my mind took it and ran. Tell me what you thought, and I'll see you later. Good day.


	8. A Special Guest Message

Howdy guys. I'm back again. I'm writing because I finished my class really early and there's not much to do. But it's mostly because my school is hosting something called "Alive at 25", which is where we get short classes and are piled into the stadium to learn about distracted driving and why it's bad. We generally know the whole song and dance at this point, right? Not that I'm trying to brush it off or anything; I know it's a very serious and real thing that happens a lot. Death sort of disturbs me, and it's not helping that someone dressed as the Grim Reaper is coming around to some of the classes to pick up student actors who will pretend to have gotten into a real car crash at the stadium and scream bloody murder while fire fighters (real or actors, I don't know) get them to safety. So yeah, a little tense here. I'm worried I'll scream if the Grim Reaper comes in my class, or worse, I won't feel anything at all, thus confirming my descent into sadness more than it already has been.

But enough about my problems, how about your problems? I'm trying to get myself to write more often, because real writers somehow are able to constantly write. I feel more like inspiration strikes me and then I write, but that hasn't been happening, so I just force myself to write off the top of my head. So that's how this came into being. Do enjoy, and also, there's a special reason for the title of this chapter. If you're a close reader, you'll soon see why.

* * *

A Special Guest Message

The PTA meeting was full of chittering chattering. Parents whispered to each other, some more excited than others. Linda had her arms crossed and was brooding quietly. Helen kept glancing between the snack table and the door to the cafeteria to see which would happen first: the guest arriving or someone eating her lemon bars.

Flowey was pensive. In the place of his usual PTA pot, he was sitting in a brand new flower pot and wearing a tiny bow clip on his stem like a bow tie. He kept fidgeting with the white polka dotted red bow tie and glancing at the door. Any minute now…

The door opened, and everyone stopped talking. From outside, there was quiet talking and a bit of grunting, before a huge monster squeezed into the room.

He was dressed in a long purple cloak that engulfed everything but his head, with shiny golden shoulder plates giving him a sharp and square look. His head, seeming much smaller in comparison to his body, was covered with white fur and golden hair, with a shaggy beard, floppy ears, and a kind smile on his snout. Between his two horns, a small golden crown blended in with his hair.

Some of the parents, mostly monsters but a few humans as well, stood to great him. He waved them off. "Please, there is no need. I am no longer a king in action but in title. Treat me as you would any other guest." Asgore Dreemurr, the ex-king of monsters turned slightly and gestured behind him at a much shorter man in a pale blue suit with a red tie. The man smiled brightly at everyone in the room.

"I'm glad to see so many parents here for the good of their children," the man said. "For those of you who don't know, my name is Elijah Banks, and I'm the mayor of Ebott Town. I'm here with Mr. Dreemurr to give a talk to you all about just how important Ebott Elementary is, and how important the choices you make in these meetings are to the entire world. So, without further ado, I'll begin:

Heya.

Are you surprised? Yep, this is an author's note, in the middle of the story. Is this legal? I think there might be a rule about it, but I don't think that's stopped anyone before. This is a message for the reader who calls themselves Guest. On the last chapter, they sent me a review, which I'll copy and paste here:

Which AU, Storyshift, or Underfresh? If Storyshift is allowed, then PTA Storyshift Undyne, PTA Storyshift Mettaton, PTA Storyshift Papyrus, PTA Storyshift Toriel, and PTA Taletwist Mettaton.

Babe.

Hon.

Sweetie.

Maybe next time, you should try reading the notes before and after the story. It's amazing what you can learn. I stated the name of the AU that chaptered featured: StoryFresh, a combination of Storyshift and Underfresh.

I also stated that I didn't want to have too many suggestions in the review box, because then I'd rarely get critique, which is what I'm after. I appreciate your interest in my story. Really, it's fantastic. But I'd really rather not dabble too much into other AU's, unless something really inspires me. Did you notice how I only added Mad Dummy to the list on chapter one? Yeah, that's why. I think that if you really wanted to see some Storyshift or Taletwist (whatever that is) action, you could try writing it yourself. You're probably better at writing that than you think. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but seriously. Read. The author notes.

Thank you.

"… and to conclude," Elijah said, as if his speech had been covered by a voice talking over him the entire time, "monsters and humans can coexist. And this school is proof of that. I'm very proud of you all for taking this responsibility of keeping the school's interest with the children's wellbeing. It's not easy, I know, going to a school where everything seems so different from the schools you went to when you were young, but this is for the betterment of everyone. And perhaps one day, we'll see a world where everyone can live in true equality. Thank you for your time."

All of the parents stood and applauded. Sans leaned close to Linda. "Nice speech, huh, Linda?"

"Hmm," Linda replied, eyes creased in deep thought.

Head canon I don't actually think #8: When Asgore gives speeches at embassies and things like that, Frisk translates for him. Naturally, there are translators available, but Frisk likes to translate for people.

* * *

So yeah, kind of a dumb chapter. No plot or anything, but I do think that at some point, seeing as Ebott Elementary is the only monster x human school, they'd get visits from people like Asgore and government officials, some more accepting of monsters (Elijah Banks) than others (the official PTA person whose only purpose is to progress the plot). What was Elijah's speech about? Probably a quick history of monster and human relations and such. Use your imagination.

Elijah Banks. I made the name up on the spot, like most names of characters I don't have much intention of keeping up with. I mean, if I need some official character later on, I might bring him back, but don't expect to see him any time soon. I imagine him to be really smiley with blinding white teeth and dark skin that's always warm, even if he got stuck in a freezer for a few hours. He can also rock a good suit. Just thought I'd mention that. He's the one who worked with Asgore and Toriel to have Ebott Elementary constructed. Very serious about education. And fun!

Update on the Alive at 25 thing: We'll be going to the stadium/auditorium (not sure which) soon, I think. The student actors are really good, based on plays I've seen. Getting kind of nervous. But yeah, distracted driving is very serious and one of the leading causes of death in young adults. Drive with caution, give me a review, and I'll see you later. Buh-bye!

Update after the Alive at 25: Welp. That was nice.

I don't think the car they used was one from an actual crash, because the fire department cut it open when they were taking one of the "victims" out of the passenger side. The "victims" were pretty good actors. They crawled out of the car and cried until the police showed up. I know that staying calm can be essential to the outcome of accidents and all, but you'd think the officials would at least do a little more than walk/ lightly jog towards the vehicle. I don't know. Maybe that is what they do.

Speaking of slow, it was a bit of an uncomfortably long time before they managed to get the roof off of the car. That's actually how long it takes, even with a bunch of huge wire cutters, five fire men, three ambulance guys, and five policemen.

But despite all of that, it just goes to show how important making good decisions is. Make someone else talk on the phone while you drive, elect someone to stay sober at a party to drive home, things like that. Perhaps you could consider the parallel between making good decisions on the road and making good decisions with social equality, like in this story. So yeah. Think about stuff. I'm going to stare at the computer until it's time to leave school. Have a good day, and stay safe.

Also, there's a poll on my profile. Please check it out.


	9. Fire Mop Dancing

Hoi again. I'm here after a whole weekend or however long it's been. I haven't been counting.

I originally wanted this to mostly be about Grillby in the PTA, but this spiraled out of control and became more about Gloria. Also, Gloria's back again. Hooray.

Also, Grillby's not an active PTA member, so I guess I wouldn't really be able to do much with him. But forget about that, enjoy the story that took me two days to write!

* * *

Fire Mop Dancing

Gloria opened the door to Grillby's Up Top and shut it behind her quietly. Some of the customers turned to her and waved politely. It probably wasn't a good thing that Gloria was starting to become a usual at the restaurant. She kept her head low until she reached the bar and flumped down on her usual stool. Oh, great; she even had her own stool now. She sighed and rested her elbow on the dark wood and her chin in her hand.

Grillby, the dapperly dressed fire monster bar tender, cocked his head at her as if to say, "Again?"

Gloria waved off his look with her free hand. "Not tonight, Grillby. I just need a place to relax. Got any non-alcoholic stuff back there?"

Silently, Grillby walked through the fire exit and returned with a bottle of grape soda. He pulled a short glass from under the bar and filled it to the brim before sliding it to the middle aged woman. She gulped it down.

"What happened to me, Grillby?" Gloria began. A puff of sparks wafted slowly from Grillby's head like a deep sigh. "Just hear me out. I used to be young, with my whole life ahead of me, dreams and all that jazz. Thirty years later, I'm sitting at a bar owned by a literal hot head—" A shorter puff of sparks, like a snort of laughter, "—drinking a shot glass of grape soda and having a stupid PTA meeting to go to tomorrow. I just… thought things would be different, you know?"

Grillby took the shot glass and began to wipe it down with a cloth. Gloria reached into her giant purse for her wallet. "Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm not happy with some of the things in my life. I've got a smart husband, a beautiful girl… say, aren't you a father? That little green fire girl that goes to the monster high school is yours, isn't she?" Grillby nodded. "So you know how it is. You wouldn't give her up for the world, right?" Another nod. "Yeah…" Gloria sighed, looking out of the corner of her eye and imagining her ever excitable Mary. "I guess… I just thought I'd be doing more, not just be a stay at home mom, you know?"

It had only been eight o'clock when Gloria arrived at Grillby's Up Top, but it had grown later into the night and the bar was now mostly empty, save for a few monsters and the one-sided conversers.

"Let me tell you something," Gloria said suddenly. She set one hand on her hip and leaned casually against the bar. "Back when I was in college, I had a figure that wouldn't quit, and fancy foot work, to boot." Grillby stopped wiping the bar and looked interested, or as interested as fire can get. "Boy, let me tell you, I was the head of my class, got my major in dancing arts, everyone knew who I was as soon as I started moving. I just knew that as soon as I got out of college, I'd join a dancing troop, any dancing troop, and spend the rest of my life dancing the night away. Then I met Peter, and we eloped together, all the way down to the Ebott area before we finally settled and married. I figured that I'd make Ebott Town famous for my dancing, but then one thing led to another, and Mary was born. I love that child, but she was a lot of work when she was a baby. Peter had to be at work constantly to make ends meet, so I was bogged down with the baby, and the pregnancy had given me a good dozen or so pounds, and…" Gloria fiddled with her shirt. "I guess I just forgot how to dance. And now, with Peter going back to the college we met at to get a masters in architecture, I'm left to wait down here, wait for the check to come in the mail, and make sure Mary doesn't turn out wrong."

Gloria looked up at Grillby, who was nodding slowly with his arms crossed. When he noticed her looking, he pointed behind him at sign that showed the closing time of the restaurant. "Aw, geez, is that late already? Sorry Grillby. I'll be going. Thanks for listening to me ramble." Grillby nodded again and walked through the fire exit. Gloria picked up her purse and put her coat on. She sighed and looked around the dark and empty room. It was so late at this point that by the time she got home, she'd still have a huge headache in the morning. _And, on top of every other problem I've got,_ she thought, _I've got a headache magnet like nothing the world's ever seen._

She was about to leave when she suddenly heard a thumping sound. She quieted her breathing and listened carefully. It was a consistent thumping, and not so much a physical thumping as the vibrating thumps of heavy base music. She looked toward the fire exit.

Normally, people, especially humans, wouldn't be able to use the fire exit because they weren't made of fire, but the exit was left open just a crack. Stepping quietly and in time to the beat, Gloria made her way to the exit and peeked inside. Beyond the door, a brightly lit room and the sound of some kind of rock music seemed to beckon her to come in.

Gloria leaned further into the room and looked around, doing a double take when she saw Grillby. He was dressed the same as he had been before, and he was now mopping the floor. The way he was mopping the floor is what made Gloria jump. He gripped the mop handle with both hands and swept the mop head side to side against the floor, in time with the thumping. Also in time with the thumping, he would lift both of his heels and turn them to the side, then rest on them as he lifted the toes of his shoes, and keep going like that, changing from left to right every few beats. Suddenly the music would change, and he'd swing the mop around like a fire dancer and kick his legs out high and spin. Gloria gasped audibly.

Grillby jumped five feet and the air and dropped the mop, flames roaring wildly as he searched for the noise. When he saw Gloria, he quickly reequipped the mop and began to mop normally. Gloria continued to gape. Grillby kept mopping until he realized that his secret had been discovered and he lowered his head in shame.

"So the rumor…" Gloria said in awe, "that you work as a dancing janitor…"

"It's true," Grillby's voiced whispered quietly. His head lowered further.

"You're going to want me to keep this a secret, aren't you?" Gloria asked. Grillby nodded. "Alright, I will. But on one condition."

Grillby looked up at her in a way that seemed to bitterly ask, "Money, perhaps? Black mail, even?"

Gloria reached out her hand. "Hand me that mop."

Grillby looked incredulous as he slowly handed her the mop. The music was still playing. Gloria held the mop against the floor and cocked her head to listen, tapping her foot to the beat. From her foot, the beat moved up to her hips, and from there, moved to the mop, swishing quietly against the wood boards. Soon, she was shaking and shimmying around the room, swinging the mop around her, first like a dance partner, then like a limbo rod, then like a mop.

Grillby stood in awe of this human woman. Never before had he seen a human dance with such passion. Sadly, it couldn't last. The music finally ended, and Grillby clapped quietly as Gloria let out a loud whoop.

"I feel alive again!" she exclaimed, tossing the mop away and hugging herself. Grillby suddenly stopped clapping and snapped his fingers to get Gloria's attention. He pointed at a camera on a tripod that had gone unnoticed during the whole shebang.

"Sure, keep the video," Gloria said.

Grillby cocked his head as if to ask, "Are you sure?"

"Grillby, it's midnight. I'm a tired forty two year old mother who just danced for the first time in nearly twenty years and I don't know if I can even see straight because I'm so tired. Keep the video. Do whatever you want with it. I'll see you tomorrow."

Gloria gathered her things, waved goodbye, and walked out of the room and out of the restaurant. Grillby watched her go before he went up to the camera and clicked the stop button.

 ** _Some days later…_**

"… Normally, darlings, I would offer MTT Brand concessions to sell at the last junior soccer game of the year, but unfortunately, my company just got a huge marketing deal in Japan, and my snackage will be in short supply until a new equilibrium of production and selling can be reached." Mettaton EX tossed his hair as he sat back down between Undyne and Frisk at the PTA meeting. "I hate to disappoint you, dears, but it looks like I can't help you this time around." Frisk patted his arm gently.

"Hmmph," said Linda as she crossed her arms. "It's all fine to me. _I_ wouldn't let my child eat any of your monster food, anyway."

"You're missing out, Linda darling," Mettaton replied.

"Yeah, punk!" Undyne said loudly. "His snacks are better than your brownies any day!"

"How dare you!" Linda shrieked.

"Order in the courtyard!" Flowey shouted angrily. "There will be no metaphorical food fights out here!"

That day, the PTA had decided in a rare unanimous decision to hold the meeting outside in the courtyard because of the lovely weather. Everyone had made a makeshift circle out of picnic blankets and ate their respective snacks as they watched the conversations bounce around.

"Okay, look," said Flowey. "If Robobo over there can't get us anything for the soccer game, then I vouch for the original plan of having Miss Tuffet and Lava Boy cater to the event." Linda raised her hand. "Yes, Linda?"

"This doesn't solve the problem of monsters serving food that could be dangerous to the human children. Why don't we get someone like—"

"Because Grillby's Up Top and Muffet's Parlor both offer human and monster food, and they're our best sponsors, and we've been over this for the whole school year: MONSTER FOOD ISN'T DANGEROUS TO HUMANS." Flowey smacked his head with a leaf. "Literally the whole school year, Linda. It's not my problem if your ears don't work."

Linda put a hand to her chest. " _Well,_ " she huffed. "Monster or not, I don't want my child to be served by someone who might be…" she shuddered. "A _dancing janitor_."

Murmurs went around the picnic circle. Mary looked up at her mom. Gloria suddenly raised her hand. "That's just a rumor, Linda. Stop trying to hurt people with stuff you hear on the internet."

Linda turned up her nose. "Well, I suppose you _would_ defend one of your own, wouldn't you?" Some of the parents who hadn't known this information gasped.

Grillby had a privacy contract with his dancing troop that would keep his alter ego a secret, but Gloria had no such connection with the company. When Grillby had sent the video recording in to his higher ups, Gloria's dancing had been sent as well and was soon spread around the internet. This video clip of Gloria shaking it out had also reached the eyes of a few other dancing troops as well. Gloria smirked at Linda.

"At least _I've_ got a job with The Huge International Fancy-Pants Dancing Company That Pays Big Bucks, _and_ I've got a child who loves me instead of fearing me, _AND_ I'm still with my first husband while you just divorced your third man."

 _OOOOOOOOOOOH,_ everyone shouted. Flowey whooped and pumped his leaves in the air. Mettaton kicked his hot leg high. Undyne suplexed a nearby picnic table. Frisk put on a pair of heart shaped sun glasses and made a thumbs up. Mary jumped into the air and hugged her mom around her waist. Linda's mouth dropped open.

And the glorious Gloria, along with everyone there, shouted:

" _GEEEEEEEEET DUNKED ON, LINDA!"_

Head canon I don't actually think #9: Grillby works part time as a dancing janitor. The company he works for has no name, and its very existence is a rumor, only existing on the internet in a hidden website. Being a dancing janitor, while unusual, is considered completely scandalous in Ebott Town and other small towns. Why? No one knows for sure, it just is. Dancing janitors definitely aren't strippers, though, so that's not the reason.

* * *

If you look up Grillby on Google Images, and you look very carefully, you'll eventually find this animated picture of Grillby dancing with a mop. I have no idea who made that picture, but I love it. That's the whole heel-to-toe dancing thing I was talking about earlier in the story. I think Grillby would be really embarrassed about it, and that culminated into the whole town's shock with the very concept of a dancing janitor. So scandalous. Why is he a dancing janitor? I think it's more of a hobby than a payment thing, though dancing janitors do get paid a lot.

Now, Gloria. The Huge International Fancy-Pants Dancing Company That Pays Big Bucks isn't a janitorial dancing troop. It's just dancing, period. Since it's international, Gloria gets to stay home and dance, the send video recordings in to receive payment. She'll also get to travel around the country during summer breaks to dance live. Mary and Peter are very proud of her.

Grillby and Gloria are good friends, mostly from Gloria's trips to the bar but even further due to Grillby and Gloria's dance night. On her birthday, Gloria comes to Grillby's afterhours so that they can dance with mops. When Peter comes to Ebott Town on his breaks from college, he talks dad troubles with Grillby, and they become good friend from there. Grillby's daughter, whom I don't know if she has an official name, babysits Mary sometimes.

So, what did you think? Leave a review, check out my other stories, and look at the poll on my profile page. I finally fixed it so it's visible now. See you later!


	10. M'SBCHBF

Hi guys, it's me again. ***Sighs***

I'm a little stressed. In my ROTC class (I won't say what branch in case one of you tries to track me down and kill me), we're working on hosting a Military Ball. And it's tonight.

Yeah.

A day or two ago, I was still feeling really angry about something that had happened when I suddenly remembered that I had made Mad Dummy into an anger management counselor. So I decided to try to work on my aggression by writing it into a chapter. Unfortunately, this took a few days, and my anger has cooled a bit, so it's not as passionate as I hoped it would be. I'm still a little mad, and I don't want to talk to my teacher or even look at him any time soon, but I'll just have to make do. ***Is disappointed with self***

But forget about my problems, how about your problems? Here's the chapter. See you at the bottom.

* * *

'Mad' Spelled Backwards Can Hold Back Floods

Neal walked into the Student's Office and blinked at the small training dummy that was sitting at the secretary desk. This was going to be a long day.

Offices always made Neal nervous, even if he wasn't in trouble. Doctors, dentists, it didn't matter who used the office. The fifth grader recalled a time when he was even younger when he'd been called down to the principal's office to get an award of some kind. Of course, no one had told _him_ that, and he ended up crying just outside the door because he thought he was in trouble. Yeah, that's how bad it was.

He blinked again at the dummy. It was a head shorter than him, and was set in front of a computer as if it could actually use it without arms. It didn't seem to notice that he had arrived.

"Um," Neal said quietly. The dummy remained silent. "I'm here to talk to the counselor. Is… now a good time?" The dummy, clearly, was not much for conversation. "Why am I talking to a dummy that can't talk?" Neal asked, more to himself than to the dummy. The dummy tired of Neal's questions and floated out through an open window. (You won! Receive 0 EXP and 0 Gold!)

Neal watched the dummy go. He couldn't say he blamed the dummy that much. But now his path was clear, and a door with the word "Counselor" on the cloudy glass leered in his direction. Neal sighed. "But late than never," he muttered to himself. He hesitantly opened the door.

"DUMMY!" A loud voice made Neal jump. In the counselor's office, a small room that barely fit a large wooden desk, a lamp, and a tiny wooden stool greeted him, which was more than what could be said for the rest of the room. Another training dummy, this one much more obviously sentient, was hovering in the air and swinging his base around angrily. He was throwing knives at a dart board on one side of the room. Nearly all of the knives hit their mark, while a few spiraled to the side and bounced off the wall, to which the dummy would shout, "DUMMY!" and throw the next knife even harder.

"Mr.… Dummy?" Neal said. The dummy became distracted and missed the dart board again.

"DUMMY!" the dummy shouted again before turning to Neal, angry red eyes making Neal flinch. "What do you want? I'm busy!"

Neal was about to speak again when he noticed a picture of a blonde woman taped on the dart board with several knives in her face. "Is that Mrs. Linda from the PTA?" he asked.

"That is a DUMMY, is what it is!" The dummy landed on the floor and began to jump up and down angrily like a big boot. "It's thanks to DUMMIES like her that my cousin is getting replaced next week!"

"Your cousin, sir?"

"That's right!" The dummy jerked his head in Neal's direction. "My cousin is also my secretary. But thanks to that DUMMY that you see here, he's going to get replaced with someone because 'It's an object' and 'can't have a job'. Like that's stopped anyone before! It's stupid, stupid, STUPID!"

Neal looked at a knife that was stuck deeply in Linda's ear. "Is this legal?"

"Silly boy, anything is legal if you keep it a secret."

"That's rarely a good thing."

"Neither are DUMMIES like her!"

Neal decided to drop it. "Sir, I came to talk to you about… well, me."

The dummy sighed dramatically and jerked his head at the tiny chair in front of his desk. "Fine. Have a seat, boy." Neal sat in the seat. The seats exaggerated tininess and the desks exaggerated largeness made Neal feel smaller than he ever had been. The dummy looked at the tiny laptop screen on his desk. How did he use it without arms? "Let me see, let me see, let me see… ah, yes. You are Neal, son of Pete from the PTA."

"Actually, my last name is—"

"Anyway, my name is Mad Dummy! Since you are a student, you may either refer to me as Mad Dummy or Mad Dummy! The same rule applies for anyone who talks to me!"

"Um, yes, Mad Dummy, sir."

"Now then," Mad Dummy leaned forward and looked at Neal. "Tell me who the DUMMIES are." Neal looked confused. Mad Dummy rolled his eyes. "What seems to be the problem, dear sweet human child?" he asked sarcastically.

"Oh," said Neal. Then he looked at his twiddling thumbs. "It's my teacher, I guess, who is being the dummy."

Mad Dummy nodded as his had expected such a response.

"It's just… I know he's just doing to be 'helpful' or whatever, but it's not working and he makes me mad."

Another nod. "Elaborate, boy."

"You see, in class, we've been working with each other to host this 'fifth grade finale', where we all come and eat food and have fun before we go to sixth grade. And every fifth grade class has to do something for the finale, like sell tickets, make posters," Neal puffed his chest a bit with pride, "and _my_ class is doing decorations!"

Mad Dummy continued to nod, eyes shut. "Yes, yes, yes, I have heard of this event through the fruit rope. Keep going—"

"Um, fruit rope, sir?"

"The gossip grinder, boy."

"Do you mean the grape vine and the rumor mill?"

"Whatever, whatever, WHATEVER! Continue the story!"

"Yes sir. Um, well, it turns out decorating is a lot more complicated than I thought. Everyone had different ideas, and then we had to pick what we liked best, and then we had to actually make all of it. The pieces are scattered between all of us, and we keep forgetting stuff or just think that someone else was doing what we were supposed to do! And that leads to constant arguing or just plain shutting down and refusing to talk. We've kind of silently agreed that we'll just do our own thing and then stick it together at the end. But then our _teacher_ comes in…"

Neal paused to take a breath. Mad Dummy was watching carefully. "Apparently, we're not doing it the way he thinks it should be done. He keeps going on and on about how we should be breaking into smaller groups or gathering together for big meetings. So he decides to show us what he wants done. He makes all of the main committee members who are in charge of the different parts of the finale, like ticket sales, escorts, decorations, bring some desks to the front of the room for everyone else to watch and points out all of the issues that the leader doesn't have solved. I can see the tears she's holding back, and the class just _laughs_ because they thinks it's funny to watch us all argue!"

Neal's hands balled into fists. "And even though I'm part of the decorating committee, he didn't think I needed to be up there because my position is 'debatable' because I'm not as prominent compared to everyone else! I ended up sitting on the floor near the circle to catch his attention, and he didn't even look at me! I wasn't even worth his time of day! And even if I did try to confront him, he'd just think I was being funny and get this stupid smile on his face. I hate that smile. And it's not like he's trying to make anyone feel bad. He actually thinks he's helping!"

Mad Dummy hopped once to catch Neal's attention. "Alright, alright, alright. I think I know what to do." Mad Dummy leaned over to his computer. "What's your teacher's name, boy?"

"Mr. Worchester… sir, _please_ don't tell him what I said! I'll get in trouble!"

"No, no, no. Nothing in this room leaves this room unless I let it. I'm not telling your teacher anything. That is for you to decide." A whirring sound came from behind the door Neal had come in from. "Boy, go the printer behind the secretary's desk and bring me what I printed."

Neal hurriedly exited the room and found the paper sitting in the printer. He set it on Mad Dummy's desk before sitting back in his chair. On the dart board, the knives quivered and unstuck themselves from Linda's face and hovered around Mad Dummy. He stapled Mr. Worchester's face over Linda's and hovered behind Neal. One of the knives landed in Neal's hand.

"Is this real?" he asked.

"Yes. Now throw it at the picture."

Neal looked hesitant. "Are you sure this is okay?"

"Probably not by your DUMMY school rules, but it is in this room! Now, throw it, throw it, THROW IT!"

Neal held the knife like it was a dirty tissue and look at the dart board. Mr. Worchester had that smile on his face. He could practically hear his voice as he droned on for half hours at a time about how little time was left before the deadline. He threw the knife. It went way to the right and landed on the floor.

"You do not play sport, do you boy?" Mad Dummy asked. "Come on! You can do better than that! Like I always say…" Another knife hovered near Mad Dummy. "Who needs friends…" The knife zoomed forward. "When you have KNIVES?" The knife stuck Mr. Worchester in the nose. Neal flinched.

"Um…" Neal looked down at his feet. "I don't know if I can do this, sir."

Mad Dummy sighed. "Very well, very well, very well." The picture lifted from the dart board, crumpled into a ball, and landed in a trash can. "It's just the board now. Now throw the knife!"

Neal took one of the knives from the air and threw it a little harder. It bounced off of the board and landed on the ground. Mad Dummy was in the air and kicking his base excitedly. "Better, better, BETTER! Do it again!"

Neal kept tossing knives as Mad Dummy flew around in the air and shouted encouragement. Finally, there was just one left. Neal took the knife and studied the board. He pulled his arm back and let the knife fly. It spun a bit in the air before hitting the bottom edge of the dart board and dangled down by its point, like a beard. "Eureka, eureka, EUREKA!" Mad Dummy exclaimed.

Neal jumped excitedly. "I did it! I really did it!" He then looked up at Mad Dummy. "Do any adults know about this?"

"No, no, no, and if you keep your mouth shut, it will stay that way." Mad Dummy settled onto the floor and sighed deeply. "That always calms me down. How do you feel, boy?"

Neal thought for a moment. "Better. I'm still a little stressed about the finale."

"Are you sure you don't want to throw knives at the picture?"

Neal shook his head quickly. "I don't want to _hurt_ Mr. Worchester, I just want him to be less of a jerk."

Mad Dummy nodded thoughtfully. "You know, I haven't had a student yet who has thrown a knife at the picture. I guess that means something."

Neal looked at the clock. School was almost over. He turned to leave the room.

"Wait a moment, wait a moment, WAIT A MOMENT!" Mad Dummy shouted. Neal jumped and turned around. Mad Dummy was looking in a drawer in his desk. "This is for you!" A small, pale blue toy knife landed in Neal's hand.

Neal gripped the plastic handle and smiled at Mad Dummy. "Thank you, Mad Dummy! Good bye!" he said before he walked out of the office.

Mad Dummy settled into the sudden quiet of his office. "Good bye, Neal."

Head canon I don't actually think #10: The other training dummy found in the Ruins is Mad Dummy's secretary. It handles things like scheduling and other minor paper work.

* * *

Did the training dummy get laid off? Probably. It's not like no one tried to plead in his defense, far from it in fact, it's just that the training dummy doesn't like to talk and couldn't defend itself. Mad Dummy, naturally, was mad, but the training dummy found a new line of work as a model at a shopping mall. Who became the new secretary? Probably someone like A Generic Male Guy. How did the finale go? After much stress, as well as it could have. Everyone who came said they liked it, while the fifth graders cried in a corner because of whatever went wrong. Such is life, it seems.

I like to think that Mad Dummy and Undyne could occasionally get along, since they're both very passionate. Maybe Mad Dummy could act as a substitute coach in case something happened to Undyne and Papyrus? It's not likely to happen, but I can always dream.

 ** _==============Hey Look A Thing For GuestVader You Don't Have To Read If You're Not Them===============_**

Recently I got a review from GuestVader that said, quote (Because of copy and paste):

Stuff I wanna see cuz y not.  
1\. Sans giving Linda a bad time for insulting Papyrus's cooking  
2\. Mettaton ranting about Diana's fashion sense  
3\. Napstablook helping Mad Dummy as school counselor  
4\. Undyne getting so riled up at a PTA meeting that Flowey has to do some serious s*** to get her to calm down  
5\. Muffet bringing her pet to a bake sale/meeting  
6\. Diana being scared of spiders  
7\. Alphys overruling any and all reasons Linda can think of that monsters shouldn't be on the surface. Get dunked on,hon.  
8\. Helen vs Muffet  
9\. Sans and Gloria talking about life's problems (drunk or otherwise)

…

I am now going to make this face:

:/

Because you clearly have not read chapter eight. There isn't even someone named Diana in this series. Why would you think there was, just because I've already used other generic PTAAU names?

And now, because of you, there will be no one named Diana in this story. And I'm going to try to avoid your plots.

"cuz y not"

Also, why do I get the feeling you're that Guest who I had to write to in chapter eight?


	11. Bonding over Brother-Bones

Hello, everyone. I'm back again. Have you been wanting a cool dude? Now you get a cool dude. Merry Christma-Hanza-Kwanza. Here's your present.

* * *

Bonding over Brother-Bones

"The Great Papyrus has arrived! Nyeh heh heh!"

Everyone in the teacher lounge turned to the doorway and smiled politely at the tall drink of water that was Papyrus the skeleton. Behind him, Sans waved lazily at everyone and said, "Heya."

"Papyrus," Linda said, coming to shake his hand since she was closest to the door. "It's very nice to see you again." She looked down her nose at Sans. "Sans."

"Nice to see you all here," Sans said loud enough for everyone to hear. "Linda," Sans said to the mother.

Papyrus, meanwhile, was pumping Linda's outstretched hand excitedly. "Hello, Linda-human! Hello, other parents!" A small chorus of hellos came from the gathered adults.

"We were just about to start, so do have a seat." Linda led Papyrus to the circle of chairs that had been made.

"Hey, Papyrus, look at that," said Sans, "it's the circle of _strife_."

"SANS!" Papyrus yelled as everyone groaned. "Stop plaguing everyone's lives with your ridiculous puns!"

"Sorry, bro, I'll eventually _come around._ "

Papyrus smacked himself in the face and looked at the other parents apologetically. "Please, do excuse my brother and his bad jokes. Shall we start the meeting now?"

"Yes, we shall," Linda replied.

"Oh, goody!" Papyrus clapped his hands. "Sans always says that these meetings are frustrating but fun! Like puzzles!"

Linda glared at Sans, who shrugged and winked. "Anyway… our main topic for today is the issue of free lunches."

"Sounds good to me," said Sans. Papyrus nodded.

"There's more to these lunches than just the fact that they're free," Linda said and crossed her arms. "The school has to pay for the lunches, and that gets very expensive. I propose we cut the free lunch program and put that money to better use, like textbooks."

Sans let out a drawn out sigh. "Linda, do you even know who the free lunches are for?"

"The students, of course."

"Which students?"

"The…" Linda thought for a moment. "The students who don't have time to make their own lunch."

Sans put his skull in his hands while some of the parents looked at each other awkwardly.

"No, Linda. That's not it at all."

Linda frowned and opened her mouth before Papyrus spoke up, "so who are the free lunches for, Sans?"

"The students who can't afford to buy their own food. In some cases, free lunches are the only meals students get during the week."

"That's terrible!" Papyrus shouted.

"It is," Sans said, looking at Linda.

"W-well," Linda stuttered. "I suppose we could install a system to identify which students need free lunch so we can cut down how many lunches we need…"

"That's a good idea!" Papyrus said as he stood up. "But I think I have an idea to feed those students who can't buy lunch _and_ not have to pay for their free lunch!"

"How?" Sans and Linda asked simultaneously, glaring at each other afterwards.

"SPAGHETTI!" Papyrus slammed a huge drainer full of pasta into the middle of the circle. Wait, where had that come from?

The parents look at each other nervously.

"Ah," Linda said warily. "That's a lovely idea, Papyrus, but I don't think many parents will have the time or money to always make food for students. Over time, the cost of making enough food for a school full of students will hurt the parents who help out."

"Oh," Papyrus look a bit disappointed. "I do see your point. However," Papyrus regained his composure. "As the Great Papyrus, I will not allow any child to go hungry! Therefore, _I_ will be the one to cook for the students! I always have plenty of spaghetti to make, and it would be my pleasure to be of assistance! Speaking of spaghetti, that's my meal for the meeting! I hope you all like it! I've got a good feeling this time!"

Before anyone could say otherwise, everyone had a paper plate full of noodles.

Linda examined her plate. The noodles looked to be rather soggy, which was an improvement (sort of) from the usual burned meal she would be given. She swirled her plastic fork in the noodles and took a small bite, scrunching her face up in expectancy. Wherever Papyrus had been keeping the pasta, it wasn't in a warm place. The noodles were cold and wet, the noodles tasting more like water than pasta, and she shivered as she felt the slimy cold bite slide down her throat when she swallowed. The other parents seemed to have a similar experience.

"Well?" Papyrus bounced up and down. "What do you think? With such passionate expressions, it must be good!"

"Well, it's definitely edible," Sans said.

Papyrus put a hand on his chest modestly.

"The presentation isn't too bad," Linda said slowly, watching Papyrus's reaction. She had his full attention, and Sans' as well. "But it's also cold and flavorless."

Papyrus looked crestfallen. "But I didn't set the pot on fire this time! Where did I go wrong?"

Sans was watching Linda closely. Linda shivered again, but regained her posture. She was not about to be bullied by a tiny skeleton.

"The pasta is cold because you didn't store it in a place where it would stay warm, like a crock pot. The flavor is probably because you let the noodles soak in too much water on too low of a heat. Also, it's just noodles, which is the way it's usually served to small children who are picky." Linda felt the Sans crawling on her back. "Usually, the noodles are served with sauce and meatballs, which are cooked seperatly and carefully so as to make a complete dish." Linda looked behind herself at Sans. "Get off my back, you freak."

"Okay," said Sans, and stopped crawling on her back.

Papyrus was resting his jaw in his hand and nodding thoughtfully. "I see… I think I understand now!" he struck a pose. "Next time, using this information I have learned, I shall definitely create the perfect spaghetti, a dish that will truly be worthy of the Great Papyrus! Nyeh heh heh!"

"Hey, it's seven o'clock; it's time to go home," Pete called suddenly. The parents began to grab their things and leave.

Papyrus shook Linda's hand. "Thank you for your advice, Linda-human! Perhaps I will see you at the next meeting! Goodbye!"

Linda waved as Papyrus ran out the door with the leftover spaghetti. "Heya," a voice said behind her.

"Sans." Linda turned and looked at the other skeleton. "What do you want?"

Sans held up his hands in surrender. "Easy, Linda, why so hostile?"

"You were crawling on my back… again. Why do you do that? It's so creepy, but I guess that's just the way it is with monsters."

"Don't make me regret saying what I have to say more than I already will," Sans said darkly, the lights going out of his sockets.

Linda shivered again. "Then what do you want?"

Sans sighed. "I just wanted to say thanks. For, you know, being nice to Papyrus. That's the only decent thing I've ever seen you do. And thanks for being nice about how to improve his spaghetti. He really tries, you know."

"Oh," Linda said, looking away. "Well… you're welcome, I guess."

Sans nodded. Being the last ones there, they put the chairs back in their proper places before walking out the door.

Head canon I don't actually think #11: Papyrus call other humans "NAME-human", so as to not get mixed up by just calling them human. Frisk will always be either "human" or "Frisk", whichever comes out of Papyrus's mouth first.

Head canon I don't actually think #12: Sometimes, usually if his brother is involved, Sans will crawl on peoples backs so he can hear everything they say and react accordingly. It is not appreciated by anyone.

* * *

So, that's the end! What did you think? I've been trying to write about people I haven't already written about on my list. Technically, that would be Mettaton, Alphys, Undyne, Muffet Chara, and Napstablook, but I don't really have plots in mind yet. I'll think of something, don't worry.

Why wasn't Flowey at the meeting?

…

Sssshhh…

But really, what did you think? Leave a review, check out the poll on my profile (please) and look at some of my other stories while you're at it! Not all of them are finished, but some are!

Until then!


	12. Sugar? Y-yes, Please!

Howdy, folks. Yours The Author here. Here's another chapter that I wrote. I started writing on Friday, stopped for the rest of the weekend, and finished it today, on Monday. So, yeah. I hope you enjoy it. Also, when you're done, if you could look at the poll on my profile, that'd be nice. Just saying.

* * *

Sugar? Y-yes, Please!

"Heeeeere's Alphys!"

The PTA sighed as they turned to the door of the gymnasium, also known as Undyne's home court. The sport coach was standing next to the wide open door and holding her arms in Alphys's direction while making jazz hands. Alphys was filled with discomfort.

"Undyne, p-please don't do that." Alphys rubbed her hands together as she shuffled into the gym.

"No way, nerd! Everyone's gotta know that we're here now! And speaking of being here, I brought tea cookies! NGAAAH!"

Undyne pulled a plastic dish full of cookies from behind her back and threw it overhand at the snack table on the other side of the gym. It landed on the table and slid, but managed to stop after knocking only a single other dish to the floor and taking its place.

"My lemon squares!" Helen wailed.

Undyne laughed as she threw herself onto a plastic chair in the circle, Alphys sitting next to her and sweating apologetically at everyone.

"So!" Undyne gripped her knees and leaned forward. "What's the situation?"

Flowey, who was sitting in his PTA pot in one of the chairs, sighed dramatically. "Well, if you had actually been here on time, you'd know that we're doing another fundraiser."

"Again?" Alphys said curiously.

"Sheesh, with all the fundraisers we do, I'm starting to think that this government funded school doesn't get funded at all," said Undyne, crossing her arms.

"Shh!" Flowey shushed. "Anyway, this time, we're going to do a cooperation with a local blood drive."

"Huh?" said Undyne. "Like… a car race? With bloodshed? That sounds awesome!"

"Ugh, how vulgar…" Linda muttered.

"What can you expect?" Helen replied. "They keep hating on my lemon squares."

"You punks got something to say to me?" Undyne growled. Helen and Linda shut their mouths.

"A-actually, Undyne," Alphys piped up, "a blood drive is an organization where humans donate blood to give to people who need it."

"I thought all humans had blood?"

"They do, but some humans have illnesses that make it hard for them to make healthy blood, so healthy humans donate a little bit of their blood to them. It's a controlled process so that the blood remains safe during the transfer. It's actually an interesting concept that could change some medical procedures for monsters!"

Undyne let out another bought of laughter and slapped Alphys on the back, which sent her into a coughing fit. "Fuhuhu! Look at you, getting all passionate about your nerd stuff, you nerd!"

Alphys's face turned red, though from coughing or blushing, no one knew.

"BEEP BEEP!" Flowey said, waving his leaves around randomly. Everyone looked at him. "Wait, dang it, I don't have my wagon horn, this looks stupid. Anyway, yeah, it's like Dr. Dumb-little said: Blood donations. For humans. Yeah."

"What did you call my girlfriend?" Undyne hissed.

"ANYWAY, I think the best location for the drive would be in the gym, since there'd be plenty of room for all of the equipment that they'd need. It'd be held over the weekend, so there wouldn't be any games or practices going on, Undyne."

"Hmmph," said Undyne, leaning back in her chair. "How do we get the money?"

"Honestly, she makes it sound like a robbery," Janice muttered.

"What did you say, punk?"

"Hey, I said 'BEEP BEEP'! 'BEEP BEEP' means 'QUIET'!" Everyone looked at Flowey again. His eyes went dark and he gave everyone a fanged grin. "The next person to speak out of turn gets burned out of here. Literally. Capisce?"

No one spoke.

"Excellent." Flowey laughed darkly. "Now, there's a fee that the humans have to pay to donate blood. Seems really backwards to me, but it's not my jurisdiction. We get to split the profits with the drive after we're done, as long as we fulfill some simple requirements. One, we provide a large, relatively clean space for them to operate in. That's the gym. Any objections?"

Some parents looked around, but no one objected.

"Alright, good. Two, we pay any advertising costs for things like posters. I figured we'd just print something off in the teacher's lounge and tack them up around the school. Any questions?"

Gloria raised her hand. "If we print at the school, the school would have to pay for it anyway, which is why we're raising money."

Flowey nodded seriously. "We can set up a group of parents here who have printers, set a certain amount of posters to be printed, and split that amount amongst the group. How's that?"

Gloria nodded in agreement.

"Alrighty then. Lastly, we have to pay for concessions. After the humans donate blood, we have to give them a place to rest for a bit and some snacks to eat to regain their energy. I think it would be best if we all brought in something easy that we'd buy at a store, like small bags of chips, little granola bars, water bottles, sodas, and other things like that. Are we in agreement?"

Linda raised her hand. " _I_ actually think that we should bring in homemade goods, like we do for bake sales. And we should also only serve sugar free and gluten free food to promote health."

Before Flowey could respond, Alphys practically fell out of her chair as she tried to get up. "Y-you can't d-do that!" She stammered.

Linda glared at her. "And why is that?"

"B-because," Alphys adjusted her glasses hurriedly, "homemade food could contain allergens that could cause dangerous reactions while donors are still recovering! Store bought goods will contain the list of ingredients so that people can immediately know if it's safe to eat! Also, most store goods will definitely contain sugars!"

Linda crossed her arms and kept glaring. "Can't you see that that's what we want to avoid? Just because people are donating blood doesn't mean they don't care about their weight." She cocked her head slightly at Gloria, who flushed angrily.

"A-a-actually, the sugar in juices and small snacks is practically a _requirement_ , because the sugar helps with making more glucose to deliver to the brain while the juice helps increase the volume of blood. And, er, you might have actually known that, if you had ever studied in school instead of l-looking in a mirror." Alphys grinned nervously. "So, Linda, in the words of a friend of mine, um, I-I think that you, uh, just got d-dunked on."

Linda let out an unidentifiable noise as Undyne and Gloria cheered. "That's my girlfriend!" Undyne shouted as she picked Alphys up and held her in front of Linda. "You see this nerd, you punk? _This_ is what smart looks like!" She threw Alphys across the gym, who shrieked as she slipped through the oversized basketball hoop and onto the snack table.

"My brownies!" Linda screamed.

"Woo-hoo!" Alphys called dizzily.

"BEEP BEEP! Why do I keep saying that when I don't have my horn?" The murmuring parents in the rest of the group died down a bit, but still remained. Flowey fluffed his petals irritably. "Doctor Dumb-little is right. Snacks and juices with some sugar is part of the requirements for our co-op to be a success."

Linda crossed her arms tightly and jutted her chin out.

" _However,"_ Flowey turned in Alphys' direction, "Alphys, you spoke out of turn, which I literally just said not to do. So, I'm going to have to burn you out of the meeting."

"WHAT?" Undyne shouted as Alphys made a little "eep" sound. Linda snickered.

"You too, Linda," Flowey said firmly.

" _WHAT_?!" Linda shouted even louder than Undyne.

"Yes, you, because you insulted one of the parents here today. Honestly, it's not the first time, but I've got a headache today. Flowers don't even get headaches. That's how bad you are." A vine sprouted from Flowey's pot with a metal hose shaped nozzle at the end. "Start running."

Linda screamed as Flowey shot little puffs of fire in her general direction. She ran out the door, quickly followed by Undyne and Alphys. Undyne laughed as they ran, "I should make the kids do this at practice!", followed by Alphys stammering, "That's not a good idea!"

Flowey put away his flamethrower. "Ah, that was fun." The parents looked at each other warily, but said nothing. "I mean, not that there was much point to that, since the meeting is practically over." Some parents began to reach for their bags. "But before you all leave, there's one last thing."

Flowey pointed with a leaf at the snack table, which had been knocked over and had snacks spilled all around it. A pale red-head was sweeping up the snacks with a broom, wearing a pale pinkish T-shirt that read, "#2 Sister". She looked up at the sudden quiet in the gym.

"Everyone say 'Happy Birthday' to The Author!" Flowey shouted, pulling out a noise maker and blowing into it. The Author shuffled sheepishly and hid behind the broom handle as the parents began singing an off-key happy birthday song.

And it was a merry mushroom that year. *****

Head canon I don't actually think #13: Alphys is primarily an engineering scientist, but, being one of the only monster scientists around, studies as many forms of science as she can in case someone wants to become a professional scientist in a certain field. This includes human sciences, which is how she knew about human blood drives.

Head canon I don't actually think #14: Undyne may not be the most fantastic cook (she's improved since the Underground, having not set her new house on fire yet), but she makes some pretty sweet tea cookies to go with her golden flower tea. Nearly everyone likes them, but since she tends to be late to PTA meetings, no one has time to eat them, which makes Undyne supplex the snack table.

Head canon I don't actually think #15: The Author works part time as the school janitor. Because birthdays.

 ***See "The Cult of Veneziano for more information***

* * *

So, yeah! Today is my birthday! Why didn't I make that the subject of the chapter? Like I said earlier, I started on the Friday before and finished today, so the last bit was just out of the blue. I mean, more than the rest of the story was already. I'm not actually a janitor, I just figured that if I was in this AU, I'd be the janitor that doesn't actually work, I just "happen" to be in the same room as the PTA when they have their meetings to spy on everyone. Happy Birthday to me~ (Cries).

Technically, this kind of fundraiser wouldn't really be held at an elementary school, I don't think, but I suppose the kids could have helped by coloring pictures for the donators to help make them feel better. How sweet. It went off without a hitch, by the by.

Why does this special, everyone-in-the-nation-is-watching-them school have to keep doing fundraisers? Story wise, because they're the most common plot starter in the PTA AU. Literally, I think most of the funding is used for overcompensating for any "disablilities" the monsters have. Like, some of the government people (Shout out to cryptologicalMystic for coming up with nickname ideas for the Official PTA Person Whose Only Purpose Is To Progress The Plot. I think I like the idea of Otto being his nickname. It's fitting, somehow) thought some of the less humanoid monsters would leave a residue around the school wherever they went, so they gave them a lot of towels to get the "goop" off, and the monsters are just like "um, what is this?" Technically, this would be kind of offensive, but hey, free towels.

So did you like the chapter? Did Undyne seem a little too generically Undyne-ish? I kind of worry about this sort of thing, which is ironic, because I write fanfictions but I'm not that good at knowing if I'm writing in character. Such is my life. But please, leave me a review and tell me what you thought! If today is somehow also your birthday, then happy birthday! I'll see you guys later.


	13. Anonymous Reviews

Hello, all. I'm not sure if you have noticed, but anonymous reviews are now turned off. I hate to do this, but it has become a necessity. I'm sure you all know about those chapters where I complain about pesky anonymous reviewers, but todat, it has hit a serious low. The following is copy and pasted from a review by login27:

login27:i will kill you if you do not make a guy selling crowbars and guns then you can kill himD

I don't know if this was supposed to be "funny" or whatever, but it's not. This wasn't what I wanted to see on my birthday today. It hurts and it's scary when you suddenly get a death threat from an unknown person. I don't know why this was written, but if whoever wrote this is reading this right now: If you ever want the anonymous reviews to be turned on, you _will_ apologize to me. I don't care if this was a joke; it's not funny. And to the good anonymous reviewers who have commented on my stories: I'm sorry it has to be this way, but after all the heckling and now this, I don't know what else to do. If anyone knows how to specifically deal with certain anonymous reviewers, please, **please** tell me. I'm honestly a little scared right now.


	14. One Year Anniversery

Guess what day it is.

Come on, guess. Guess. Guess.

Done guessing? It's the first year anniversary of my creating a fanfiction account! Huzzah! *Dying party noise maker sound*

I wanted to make sure that I got a message out to everyone today about what's going on, and I figured that since I'm a Member of the PTA is my most popular story, it would be the best place to post this so that as many people as possible would read it.

First, some good news:

I finally got around to getting my old files back from the drive from my old computer, and they were all safe! This means that all of my work for Five Swords and The Cult of Steve are still in tact, which means that I can finally resume writing those stories! Finally! *Puff of confetti* If you have no idea what those are, check out my profile. You've got some catching up to do.

Nextly, some neutral news: (Yes, I know that's not a word, Microsoft, chill)

I don't know if any of you have noticed, but I have a profile. On that profile, there is a poll. You should look at that poll. If I actually get any responses on that poll, it could influence which story I update or start writing first, so check it out if you've got the time.

Lastly, some not so great news.

Since my last update of I'm a Member of the PTA, I have not received any news from the fan fiction help desk email thing about login27's little "review". Just now, (literally just now) however, I recieved an email from login27 in the form of a review, asking for me to turn anonymous reviews back on. Oddly enough, it was as an anonymous review, which I guess means that turning off anonymous reviews only keeps them from showing up on the website? Seems a bit counterintuitive, but I guess it doesn't matter. I'll leave a message at the bottom of this page for login27 to read.

Anyway, like I was saying: it's not that I want to abandon this story, not at all! This is the most reviews, favorites, and follows I've ever gotten, which I guess speaks a lot for the audience I've managed to garner. Truth be told, I've run out of ideas and mojo, which was what I was mostly going off of to begin with. This goes for the other stories as well: I don't really plan to immediately jump back into the writing game. I mean, I might. Maybe tomorrow, or the day after, or in a week, or never. I guess I'm just not very motivatable. I mean, I've always had this problem, at least for a long time. I think about doing something like writing, and the energy just weighs into the marrow of my arms and under my sternum, and I only desire to lounge on the internet and not exist. Not existing in the sense that I would never have responsibilities, not necessarily be dead, though I wonder if that wouldn't be too bad sometimes.

I'm getting off track.

Short of it: don't expect immediate updates. I wasn't done with the chapters I was working on when my computer crashed and burned, so I'd have to work on them before anything happened.

What do you all think?

What should I try to update first? Leave a reveiw that tells me what you think, and please examine the poll and leave your oppinion. It's been a pretty eventful year. Cheers to you all, and I'll hopefully see you again real soon. Until then!

 _ **And now, a section especially for login27:**_

So, um. Hey, I guess.

It's been a while. About two weeks. A little late to apologize, right?

And why the anonymous facade? It's not like I don't know you have a profile or anything.

But I guess I'm being too harsh.

The whole purpose of turning off anonymous reviews was so that I wouldn't have to see your name in my email inbox. But I guess that's not how this works.

So, yeah. I'll turn anonymous reviews back on, but I want you to do something for me.

Send me a PM from your profile.

Let's be private instead of bantering across the fields of reviews and updates. It's a tad silly for the huge deal I've made of it. Let's keep this our business so that we're not bothering anyone. Seems like a simple request, no?

Also, apologizing without an explanation? Why bother? Not trying to be sarcastic or anything, I'm just curious.

All turning anonymous reviews off did was keep it from appearing the review bank on the story. You could've kept harassing me without anyone seeing it. This change in attitude is... not sudden, most certainly, but it is curious. I want to know more.

I look forward to your PM.

With all due respect,

Yours The Author.


	15. SSFDOYLS

Whoa look at that an update it's inconceivable aaaaah...

Hi there. I'm back.

I've been doing very little writing. Probably because I'm a bad person at doing work. Work makes me feel bad. Not working and thinking about how I'm not working also makes me feel bad. Wweh.

This took me three days to write, mostly because I only worked after it got dark, which, since it's summer, isn't until eight thirty. I wanted to update my Legend of Zelda fanfiction before I updated this again, but then I realized that the month was over and I hadn't touched the Microsoft button (which I don't own).

So, I squeezed this out of the disgusting, oily gray mass of festering cells that is my brain to offer you, which you will no doubt recoil at in a combination of distaste and pleasure. Aren't I a magician with words? Anyway, enjoy, and look at the bottom of the page for info on what I want for updates.

* * *

So Sorry for Drawing on your Lemon Squares

Helen stood near the snack table. She had a good feeling about today. As the other parents began to settle into their seats and quiet their chatter, Helen kept her eyes on her lemon squares, still in the pan she had baked them in. Today, she just knew it; _someone_ would touch them, and not on accident like those other PTA meeting days, but on _purpose._

"Okay, everyone, it's time to start the meeting. Helen, sit down," Flowey called.

"Aw," Helen mumbled as she sat in her seat, glancing back at her lemon squares occasionally.

Flowey jostled his controller absently as he looked around at the parents. "Listen up, this is the schedule for the meeting today: the entire time will be spent to wrap up the discussion on extracurricular funding, namely for the arts verses the sports program."

Immediately, the parents began to talk quietly, looking left and right at each other, but mostly at Sans and Linda. Helen looked at her lemon squares.

Linda crossed her arms. "I still can't believe that we still have to discuss this. We should have decided on this a week ago."

"And yet, here we are," Sans replied stiffly.

"Look, everyone," Flowey interrupted, "we've been spending too much time arguing about this, and we're supposed to be sending in the funds report to the school board _this weekend._ We _will_ reach a decision by the end of this meeting, or else I will eat all of you. I'm going to stick my face into my screaming pillow the whole time. Let the arguing begin." Flowey drove his toy wagon in front of a little pillow that had been left on the table, stuck his face in it, and let out a muffled scream.

Sans and Linda simultaneously set their forearms onto the table and looked across at each other. Everyone remained still.

"I'm just stating the facts here, Sans," Linda began. "The sports program provides the children with exercise and teamwork skills. All that the art program is good for is for people who are too lazy to get up and actually do something productive besides twirl around and make stick figures, like you."

"You've stated only one fact today, Linda, which is pretty impressive," Sans replied, the bone under his eye sockets crinkling even deeper than they did naturally. "While it's true that sports are excellent for teamwork, there are many types of art projects that require an equal amount of teamwork and exercise."

"Any art project that could even begin to match up to a sport in terms of those skills would be a community project, which would be far too expensive and time consuming for our students. Besides, what good are mental one's mental capabilities if one is a magic butterball shaped thing like _you?_ " Linda crossed her arms and looked up and down at Sans' round shape.

"What good is being in shape if you have to use cheap tactics like jabbing at people's physical appearance in order to get your way, _Linda?_ " Sans leaned back in his chair and bared his teeth.

Linda simply shrugged. "It doesn't really matter either way, since _I_ have more support than you. Helen, you're with me, right?"

"Oh, yeah, of course," Helen said, blinking out of her lemon square dream sequence.

"Janice, Pete, same goes for you, right?"

"Mm-hmm," said Pete, who was checking his watch for the seventh time. Janice said nothing, but nodded.

"You see? And Gloria...?"

Gloria looked up from her dance magazine. "'Scuse you?"

"Yeah, actually, never mind. The point is, Sans, no matter how hard you try, you're going to be out voted at the end of this meeting, and nothing you do will change that."

"That's literally three people, which is hardly something to call a majority vote." Sounds like grinding teeth. "Besides, I have a few tricks up my sleeve, so don't act so sure of victory."

Linda raised an eyebrow. "Isn't your friend the sport coach? Wouldn't it be a shame if your friendship came to an end because you just couldn't let go of your silly art program?"

Sans rolled the lights around in his eye sockets. "Do you honestly think my relationship with Undyne is so shallow as to be destroyed by a small budget for the sports program? We're talking about _my_ friends, not _yours._ "

"Whoop," Gloria whooped quietly. Linda glared at her.

"And you make it sound as if I want to completely cut the sports program; I don't. I'm saying that we should balance the budget between the two programs, and then use fundraiser money for any needed expenses instead of cutting the whole art program and using the fundraisers to buy equipment we won't ever _use_. Like that sweat band set you were talking about last time? Seriously, who even _needs_ sweat bands? Don't answer that," Sans said when Linda opened her mouth. "And just in case you're wondering, yes, I did bring someone to help me win the argument for the arts program. Actually, he's been here for a few minutes now, by the snack table."

Everyone turned toward the snack table to see the long tail of a monster sweep from side to side. When the monster realized he had been spoken of, he turned timidly toward the meeting table. As soon as some of the parents recognized who it was, they began talking amongst each other, informing the other parents who didn't know who the street artist was.

" _This?!"_ Linda said in bewilderment. _"This_ is who you brought in for help? How desperate are you?"

Some of the parents, monster and human alike, were giving Sans some queer looks. Flowey looked up, saw who was, flopped his face back into his screaming pillow and made some dying noises. The newcomer's fingers tapped together like jackhammers.

"I'm So Sorry!" He blurted awkwardly.

"Um, you don't have to apologize," Gloria said.

"No, that's my name. So Sorry."

"Oh."

Sans stood up and patted So Sorry on the back. "Ladies and gentlemen, if I have ever seen someone who has used exercise and art together in everyday life, it's this guy right here. Show them what you've got, buddy."

So Sorry straightened up and reached into his inner vest pocket. "Yes! Right! I can do this!" He retrieved several rolls of paper and set them in a pile on the meeting table. "Sans here asked me to show you some of my works of art today, and I'm happy to oblige. For my first example..." He unrolled one of the papers and held it up in the air for everyone to see.

It was a pencil on paper drawing of a little sail boat in a lake, surrounded by a cloudy sky and tall, thin trees on the banks. "Works such as this and this," he revealed a second scroll, which was an intricate portrait of a familiar child in a striped sweater, also done in pencil, "are usually done in my spare time. They may not be the best, but I make them with feeling!"

A few heads in the crowd nodded slowly.

So Sorry unrolled a third scroll and passed it around the table. It was a laminated photograph of So Sorry himself, standing in front of a table that was set on the edge of a sidewalk, with a sign reading 'Art of all Kinds! Pick a Price, get a Picture!'

"I make most of my money as a street artist, selling whatever people want me to draw for them in a few minutes. Obviously, I can't stay in the same place all the time or I'd get rained out! Ha-ha... (That wasn't funny...) I carry that table as well as my art supplies around the town to garner more customers—oh, yeah!—which requires, uh, balance, I guess, and arm strength, and leg... strength..." So Sorry tapped his fingers again. "(I'm doing a bad job...)"

Linda was not impressed. "I would hardly call any of that remotely sports-like."

"Hang on," Sans said. "He has one more thing to present. Show 'em, Double S."

"Right!" So Sorry got the third scroll back from the last parent and picked up the last scroll, which was taller and thicker than the others. "Will you help me, Sans?"

"Well, I suppose I could _roll_ on over." Everyone groaned.

Sans held one edge of the scroll as So Sorry pulled the other end across the room until a photograph as long as he was tall was displayed. A series of different sports balls in varying degrees of damage were spread in a sort of mural in the shape of Ebott High School's symbol, a shield with the Delta Rune on it. Some of the parents applauded almost subconsciously.

"This is my concept design for a project contest at the monster high school nearby! It recycles old sports equipment in a creative way to show school spirit during big sport events! I sent the finished project in to the judges, mostly for the extra pocket money but also to add something special to my art portfolio! Do you... like it? (They think my art is terrible...)"

Sans grinned widely at Linda. "You see? Even if there's not always a lot of moving around, arts and sports _can_ and _should_ be preserved and combined to make both programs more incredible." Sans and So Sorry high-fived each other.

"GET DUNKED ON, LINDA!" Gloria blurted out.

"No, hold up, not yet," said Sans.

"Not yet?" Gloria asked.

"Nah, nah, give her a minute."

"Th-this changes nothing!" Linda spluttered.

"Actually, Linda, I think everyone here will agree with me when I say that your plans aren't..." Sans put on some sunglasses. "On the _ball._ "

Linda screamed.

"Now?" Gloria asked.

"Now," Sans nodded.

"GEEEEEET DUNKED ON, LINDA!" everyone shouted.

"Stop yelling!" Flowey whined hoarsely from his own yelling.

 ***After the Meeting...***

Helen went to the snack table to pick up her leftover lemon squares. "Hey!" she shouted suddenly. Someone had taken a permanent marker and drawn a picture of a fish on her lemon squares. Under the pan, someone had written a note with the marker:

 _The surface of this chalkboard was so interesting; I just_ had _to let out a jump of inspiration I had just now! I hope no one minds. Oh, I think they're talking about me... Time to introduce myself! I hope this goes well! –So Sorry_

"Eh, I'll take it," Helen said, and took the pan back home with her.

Head canon I don't actually think #16: So Sorry, due to his unusual circumstance, is often regarded oddly, even by fellow monsters, but people eventually see that he's a generally good guy. He wants to go to a faraway art college to become a master of the arts, and works as a street artist to make enough for everyday life and tuition. (His magic pencil typically is left at home, due to the negative response towards living artwork by his customers.)

* * *

Aaand So Sorry's here again! What's with me and So Sorry fanfiction? I don't know, I guess I just feel like _someone_ has to represent the guy. I figured that since he gets a lot of bad reception in the fandom, people would actually act a little wary around him in this AU before they realize that there's more to the character than what he might have been made for. I don't really look into that, but it's not my business.

Did the art and sport programs remain funded? Of course it did. Did Undyne and Sans' friendship shatter into fish boney pieces? Of course not. But I bet you knew that already.

To be perfectly honest, this wasn't my first draft of how the story would go, which is strange since I usually just go with what's on the top of my head and submit it immediately. Originally, it was going to be Sans and Linda teaming up against Janice in this funding debacle. Janice would have been (she might still be, but I think I'm going to try to forget she ever existed and stick her into the generic crowd of parents) Pete's wife, and against women's rights. That seems really backwards, but I _do_ know that they exist. She tried to shut Linda down by saying that nothing ever got done when Linda was in charge (suggesting that Linda was the head of the PTA before Flowey showed up), and Flowey, despite being a monster (even though that's often up for debate, since he has no soul) got more done than she or Linda ever would because he was a male. Sans would then point out that Linda didn't get anything done because she was a bad leader, not because she was female. I stopped there.

I became way too uncomfortable with what I was writing; I don't know much about these subjects and I realized that I was already probably wading into something deep by having So Sorry make an appearance, and Janice would have just lead to everyone burning me to the point of feeling so bad about it that I might have never written again. So then I wrote this, which I think is much better since it puts more focus on So Sorry's abilities and personality. What do you all think?

Onto the update stuff. I ordered Four Swords Part One from my library, but it might take a few weeks to get to me. In Five Swords, the story I'm working on, I apparently left off in the middle of a flashback, which I can write without the book, but that's almost finished, and then I won't be able to keep writing until I get the manga. With the Cult of Steve, I haven't retrieved it yet because my flash drive got full before I could download it. I've emptied my flash drive of unnecessary documents, but I have yet to try and get the remaining files from the old computer hard drive. At this rate, I'll either update this story again or I'll update Five Swords, but given my general laziness and required summer reading (The Fountainhead, of all things. Also, I don't own that), it might not happen for another month. Good grief, you all must dislike me in some distant part of your little gray cells. (That's from Poirot. Also, I don't own that.)

So here's what I want from you. It's what I've asked of you before, but with something else. I'd like you to take the time to check out the poll on my profile. Only two people have voted. I don't know who they are, but they both voted for PTA, which makes me think that no one who's read my other stories is voting (or maybe it really IS the only thing I'm good at...)

This leads me to the second thing: since it'll be a while before any updates are made, maybe possibly you should check out the other things I've written? Like, this Five Swords thing I keep mentioning? What the higgity-hey is that? Or this Cult of Steve/Veneziano? What's _that_ all about? (Here's a hint; The Cult of Steve is _not_ Minecraft related. Also, I don't own that.) Why not read the summaries of those stories on my profile? It might intrigue you, if you like stories full of swords and fighting and junk. You like swords and fighting and junk, right?

So either way, leave a review, tell me what you thought, and have a good night!


	16. The No'lympic Nope'ening Ceremony

*The sun sets in the rainy sky, and the end of summer now is nigh... the gleam of two pieces of glass is spotted in the moon light* I have returned! (Dying fanfare)

So, who thought that I should have been updating more than I have been? I do! But summer got away from me, mostly lying about, attending some college visits, attending a writing camp, contemplating how this all adds up to my inevitable death, ha ha ha. (Cries inside)

So, anyway, I forced myself to write something. And write something I did! I hope you enjoy, but first, a message for FuzzyElf24: Sorry about the weird PM, it turns out I did have a chapter about Chara (kind of). That's me, forgetting my own stuff. The bonus at the bottom is dedicated to you! (It won't kill you, I promise.) Now everyone sit back, relax, and enjoy a late night read!

* * *

 ** _The No-lympic Nope-ening Ceremony_**

"I mean, I guess that does sound fun, but I thought the Olympics were for adults or something," Sans said.

Linda shook her head slightly. "Well, the _real_ ones are, of course, but in the spirit of the season, inviting students from other elementary schools to our school for a week of sport games could be a great fundraiser and a brand new tradition for the county to enjoy! Credit going to me, of course."

Helen raised her hand. "Aren't some of the Olympians, like, twelve?"

"Keep reading your lemon square magazine, Helen."

"Okay."

It was nearing the end of the school year. Summer technically hadn't arrived yet, but the air was hot and dry in Ebott Town. The air conditioner hummed loudly against the wall of the fifth grade science room, where the tables had been pushed together for the meeting. Flowey had found this extremely inconvenient, as he couldn't get the wheels of his wagon over the edges of the tables without jostling erratically, so he had opted to staying in one spot while shouting at everyone, making sure to never have a meeting in that room again.

Linda sat opposite the air conditioner, near the head of the table, and smiled proudly as murmurs of agreement reached her ears.

Sans rested his chin in his bony hand and nodded slowly. "It does actually sound like a good plan. And since I don't know too much about the Aerobics, you'll have to take charge if no one else wants it. Look at that, Linda; you get to be in charge of something."

"I do," Linda said with a grin, not even bothered by Sans' mistake.

BEEP BEEP!

"Hold the phone, please!" Flowey called out. Gloria took the phone from him. "Thanks. Now listen up you two. We're going to have to vote on this..."

Everyone who was listening in nodded their heads and looked at each other happily.

"We seem to have a majority~," Linda sang-sung.

Flowey whined, "It's so much woooork," before he flopped his head on the table in defeat. "Fine, it's not like we had anything to do anyway, but you do it, because I don't wanna."

"Alright~!" Linda was practically bouncing with joy.

"Wow Linda, if you're this excited, then you should probably stop using sugar in your tea and try Sp _Linda_ instead." (Note: I don't own Splenda or whatever it's called. I'm trying to make a joke here, just go with it.)

"Shut up, Sans, your dumb puns won't bring me down! I haven't been in charge in _forever_!"

"Three months is not forever, Linda."

"I told you to shut up! Now, I'll make a list of all the things we'll need to work on for the games! I'll handle talking to the county board with Flowey for approval once we're done, but let's toss out some things to work on."

"The actual games the kids have to play?" Sans suggested. Linda nodded and wrote it down.

"Making a game schedule," someone called.

"Uniforms!"

"Ticket prices?"

"The week and the times!"

"Making a flag!"

"Who to invite?"

"Should we offer snacks?"

"The opening ceremony..."

Linda stopped her pen and looked up. "Did someone say something?"

"Uh... I did..."

Everyone turned to the chair nearest the exit, where a single ghost with big watery eyes floated slowly like water currents.

"Who is that?" someone asked.

The ghost's drifting became a bit more erratic. "I'm Napstablook... I'm at every meeting. All the time..."

"...Oh," Linda said awkwardly.

"Even the one that got cancelled and I didn't know until I got there?" Helen asked.

"Yeah..." There was silence for a moment. "Oh... I'm sorry; I shouldn't have interrupted you all..."

"No, uh, it's fine," Linda said quickly, "could you just repeat what had suggested?"

"Oh, well... I thought there could maybe be an opening ceremony... like in the real Olympics..."

"There's a whole ceremony for this thing? It's a bigger deal than I thought," Sans mused.

Linda sniffed and tossed her hair. "How could you _not_ know there's an opening ceremony?"

"I mean, Frisk stayed up to watch it, but it looked like a bunch of people talking to me, so I fell asleep."

"I guess it figures that a monster like you wouldn't understand how important these games are."

"Um... I'm a monster," Napstablook said quietly, "and I watch the Olympics... with my cousin..."

"...Oh," said Linda, ignoring the sign Gloria was holding that said 'Get dunked on'. "Well, anyway, an opening ceremony would be a great idea, Mr. Napstablook. Do you have any suggestions?"

"Wow... a genuine compliment," Napstablook breathed. "Um, okay, uh... I was thinking... we could ask Mettaton—"

"Let me stop you right there," Linda held up her hand. "Mettaton, popular as he is withcertain... characters, wouldn't come to a children's game competition for an opening ceremony, and besides, what could he do that wouldn't be inappropriate or boring to the children?"

"He'd come if I asked him..." Napstablook said. "Because... he's my cousin..."

"Wait, what?" Linda said.

Suddenly, the floor shook and a circular platform spun slowly up from the floor, with Mettaton posing on top.

"This is highly illegal!" Linda shrieked. "I'll tell the school board you've been making platforms on school property without permission!"

"Aren't we on the second floor?" Helen wondered.

"Hello, everybody!" Mettaton trilled. "Sans just texted me about a _brilliant_ idea that my dear, sweet cousin made just now!" He skipped off the platform and belly slid across the table in front of Napstablook. "I want to hear everything! Lay it on me!"

"Well... if you want me to... Linda wanted to make an Olympic games for the schools in the county, and I said maybe you could be part of the opening ceremony... if you wanted to, I mean..."

Mettaton rested his chin in his hands, kicking his boots absently.

"Well..." Napstablook said slowly. "Then Linda said that wouldn't be a good idea... because you'd be busy... oh..." his eyes became even waterier. "I shouldn't have bothered you with this... I'm sorry—"

"Fantastic!" Mettaton cheered suddenly. "You've spoken your mind, darling, and your mind is full of the most wonderful ideas!" He brushed some loose tears off of his cousin's face, fashioned them into a dapper hat, and set it on Napstablook's head. "Blooky, _Blooky,_ never doubt for a second that I wouldn't drop everything to come to your aid! We'll be the best part of the opening ceremony, so good they'll have wished they had us for the real deal!"

"W-we? They?" Napstablook stuttered.

"You and me, of course!" Mettaton hugged his cousin to his chest and began rolling around on the table. "We'll be the grand finale! And by they, I mean them. You know, the they in the know."

"Hang on a second—" Linda began to stand up.

"Can it, Linda, they're bonding," Sans said. "Why don't you try to be a good _sport_?"

"SHUT UP, SANS!" Everyone yelled.

 ** _Bonus_**

Helen rushed into the teacher's lounge wearing a dripping rain coat and carrying a tray of lemon squares. "I'm sorry I'm late! There was traffic, and rain, and..." She stopped. The room was empty, save for a ghost in the back of the room. Helen looked in the mirror that was hanging on the wall because plot device. "Where is everyone?" she asked.

Suddenly, the reflection of a child in a striped sweater popped up beside her. "Oh, the meeting got canceled. Flowey sent out an email about it a bit ago."

Helen jumped and turned to the kid who looked an awful lot like Sans' kid, Fruits or whatever their name was. "Um, hello," she said awkwardly. "Where are your parents?"

"Elsewhere. I'm just wandering around. Doing my thing. What's that?" They pointed at Helen's tray.

"Oh, these?" Helen removed the tinfoil and proudly displayed her creation. "They're my lemon squares! Would you like one?"

The kid stared at the lemon squares for a few seconds. Then they looked up at Helen with solid black eyes. " **No chocolate.** " They said. Helen screamed and ran out of the school.

* * *

Head canon I don't actually think #17: Mettaton, if he's unable to kick down the door (like if the classroom is too small for that), he can rise through the floor on a platform that's magic or something and not actually built as part of the school. Bonus points if you get the reference. Also, he and Napstablook are best cousins.

Head canon I don't actually think #18: OCP- One Crossover Pairing- Napstablook diamonds Canada. Bonus points if you know _those_ references.

* * *

And, done! Tonight is the closing ceremony for the Rio Olympics, which is sad, but it was an amazing year for everyone. Well done, all! Write your favorite thing about the Olympics in a review!

Frankly, I don't think monsters would get to be a part of the Olympics for a while. There'd be a lot of debate over, like their strengths in comparison to humans, if they'd be part of national teams or be in a separate team, etcetera. Someday, maybe, they'd get to make their own team for the Olympics or something.

Did you like the story? Did you get the references? Leave a review, tell me what you thought, and check out the other stories on my profile (please)! I don't know when or what I'll write next, but maybe I'll have more drive to write when school starts up in a week! Until then!


	17. First Year Anniversary Take Two!

Gooooood evening, everybody! This is The Author, coming to you late for the first year anniversary of Undertale! How are you all doing tonight?

So, am I late to the party? *Checks calender.* EeeeYeah. Will any of you care? Maybe, I don't know. Let me know with a review.

So, I haven't exactly been updating constantly like I did last school year, but then again, I haven't exactly had a lot of free time like back then, too. (Curse you, three AP classes in one semester!)

Today, though, I decided to make myself write. I say that a lot, don't I? I wonder what that says about me. Hmm...

Well, enough about that, let's get to the anniversary already!

* * *

First Year Anniversary Take Two!

Frisk was usually a very stoic child. They could sit still for hours at a time without much fidgeting, no matter the circumstances. Today, however, was different.

"Frisk, sit still. Fidgeting is very unbecoming, especially for you." Linda snapped her fingers angrily in their direction. What that was to accomplish, Frisk didn't know.

"What do you mean, especially for Frisk?" Sans asked, raising his head from his crossed arms on the table.

"I mean what I said. Someone of their… nature is bound to be judged extra hard for what they do."

"You mean like by old bags like you?"

"Why, I never-!"

"'Sides, can you blame them? It's been a whole year since they freed monster kind from the barrier, and there's going to be a whole party for it. Even _I'm_ practically…" Sans crumpled the paper in front of him into a ball. "… _bouncing_ in my seat."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Linda yelled.

Sans flattened out the paper ball to reveal a flyer for the Ebott Elementary canned food drive. "How about you just _can_ it, Linda?"

"You little—!"

BEEP BEEP BEEeeooop….

"Dang it!" Flowey shouted angrily. "My wagon horn died!"

"Maybe you'll get a new one for Christmas," Gloria said gently.

"In four months! Ah, whatever, listen up people!" Flowey drove around the table of the meeting room. "The food drive is as good as done, and we need to hurry up a pick the prize for the class with most cans."

"I wonder why we didn't do this sooner," Helen said aloud.

"Because this chapter needed a plot! And we're also holding the meeting in the middle of the school day because plot! And Frisk is here because reasons! Are we all caught up now?"

Several parents droned in agreement.

"Good. Now, who has an idea?"

Frisk waved their hand excitedly.

"You can't participate, Frisk, you're not a parent or a teacher," Linda scolded.

"Yes, Frisk, what is it?" Flowey asked. Linda glared at him.

"We could have Muffet come in and give out spider donuts and cider!" They signed. "She was going to give out refreshments at the party later, so she might have some extra!"

"That's a good idea Frisk, though I don't know if Muffet would be so willing to hand things out for free," Sans said. "Maybe we could ask her to cater a little party for the school later this week to celebrate the anniversary instead?"

"No, no, definetley not," Linda said, shaking her head.

"And why is that?" Sans asked through half lidded eye sockets.

"You said it yourself. Why should we pay for a reward that the kids won't even appreciate? We should get them something cheap, like some bouncy balls you'd get in the sale aisle."

"I could make them my lemon squares!" Helen offered.

"Besides," Linda nodded in Helen's direction, "the children won't care about some anniversary, so why should we make a big deal about it? It's not like anything good happened..."

Meanwhile, near the door, a pale red head with a pink "#2 Sister" shirt swept her broom aimlessly. "Oh, you'd be surprised," she said under her breath with something that could resemble a smile.

Sans stood up. "The Author is right!"

"Oh, snap, I've been caught!" The Author scurried into a corner.

"Don't start the whole 'monsters are evil' shtick _now_ of all times, Linda." Sans unzipped his jacket and flapped the sides in a "come at me" way. "It's been a year, Linda, get over it: Monsters. Are. Staying. And there's nothing you can say or do that will change that."

Suddenly, Muffet and her spider friends tap danced into the room. "Did someone mention my name, dearies?" She giggled.

"Uh, I mean I guess. Like, a minute ago." Flowey brushed some spiders that had gotten too close to his wagon. Helen shrieked about her lemon squares.

Frisk bounded out of their seat and waved at Muffet. "We wanted to ask if you would give some of your pastries to the class that donated the most food for the food drive! And maybe you would cater a party for the school later this week! Please?"

"Ahuhuhu~" Muffet giggled again, "I'd be happy to, dearie~ for just an eensy, _weensy_ fee..."

"Just put it on my tab," Sans called.

"You don't have a tab, Sans, get out of my bakery."

"But we're not in your bakery."

Linda shrieked as Muffet's pet came to inspect her curiously. The Author tried to gently goad it away with her broom.

"Well, I'm taking this as a unanimous decision," Flowey said, proceeding to bang his gavel against Helen's lemon squares. "We'll get the money from the treasurer."

" _I'm_ the treasurer," said Muffet.

"Happy Anniversary, everyone!" The Author cheered.

* * *

Head canon I don't actually think #19: The day Undertale came out equals the day Frisk saved the underground, alternate timelines notwithstanding.

* * *

Were the parties a success? Heck yeah! Who doesn't want a party with cake and stuff? Cake and stuff is good. You should get cake and stuff. If you can, I mean.

So, who liked the cameo? I figured that it was a special occasion, so I dropped in on the meeting to spy on the goings on. Do you guys like that sort of stuff? I did a story or two with self inserts for other series, and I'd like to recommend them to you. Sadly, I didn't get a lot of reviews for them, so I have no idea if they're that great, though, given that someone (not saying who) said that the last chapter was kind of boring, they might just be more action packed to suit your tastes. Read them and find out!

So, I've got some kind of cold/allergy thing today, and I don't want to be awake doing homework stuff right now. I mean, it's not due until next week, so maybe I could save it for tomorrow... yeah, I'm bad, sue me. (Please do not.)

So, was this up to par? Was it a satisfying way to celebrate the anniversary? Tell me what you thought in a review, and I'll see you again, eventually!


	18. Happy St Valentine's Massacre Day!

Happy Valentine 's Day! Or- *checks calender* close enough that it's not a problem. Anyway.

So. It's been a while. I've been working on Five Swords. You should go check that out. And I've got a new poll! Which you should also check out. Funny thing is, I bet I can guess what the results will be.

Another funny thing; apparently, even when I update Five Swords, most of my viewership comes from this story. Why is that?

So, here's a short one. I just squeezed it out in less than half an hour. It'll probably show. If someone says it's bad, I'll agree! So read it up.

* * *

Happy St. Valentine's Massacre Day!

"Why do we want to celebrate a day of massacre, again? Seriously, Linda, I thought you wanted to keep everything PG."

Linda crossed her arms. "Valentine's Day has nothing to do with death. It's about sharing love."

"Oh, you must hate it, then."

"Shut up, Sans! And what makes you think it has to do with death, anyway?"

Sans shrugged. "I dunno, I read it somewhere."

"You shouldn't believe _everything_ you read."

"Like you?" Gloria asked.

Linda glared at her. "Keep reading your dance magazine, Gloria."

"With pleasure."

The New Year celebrations were old news now, and everyone was looking forward to the next celebration already. At least, that's what Sans figured.

 _Bee-dede-DEE-DEE-bee-dede-DEE-DEE! BEE-be-bebebebe-DEE!_

 _"_ This is _NOT_ what I wanted for Christmas!" Flowey whined.

"Santa must have thought it was funny," Frisk signed.

"Well, it's _not!_ Okay, anyway, listen up people!"

Everyone in the cafeteria turned toward Flowey in his brand new Flowey Pot and wagon horn.

"I've been receiving concerns about rules for Valentine's day. I don't know why you think _I_ care, but here's the basics: keep allergies in mind, and keep it PG! That is all."

"We're in an elementary school," Helen said.

"I know. That's what worries me."

Linda raised her hand. "I don't think those are the rules people were worried about," she said.

"Well, they _should_ be!"

"I think they're talking about if our kids will have to get a Valentine for everyone in their class. I, personally, say no to that."

Sans huffed. "And why is _that_ , Linda?"

"Because Valentines are supposed to be special! Our kids should only make Valentines for the people they like, not everyone else."

"What about the kids without friends?" Sans asked. "Do we just leave them out?"

Frisk raised their hand and signed, "I can vouch for the people who never got Valentines when I was younger."

"Aren't they ten or something?" Helen asked.

"Well, you should have socialized more, Frisk. Then maybe you would have gotten some real friends."

Sans set his hands on the table. "Okay, Linda, before you go and say anything else that you'll regret, let me just say that if Valentine's day is really a day of sharing love like you say it is, then that's exactly why we should have everyone give everyone a valentine. Otherwise, it's just a glorified popularity contest."

Gloria shouted, "GEEEEET DUNKED ON, LIN-!"

"IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THIS NOISE!" Flowey screamed.

* * *

Head canon I don't actually think #20: Sans likes white chocolate. Really shiny spheres of white chocolate. Also, I'm hungry.

* * *

Did end too quickly? Yeah, it ended to quickly. But class is about to be over, I have things to do today, and I don't want to write for this right now, and—

Whatever.

Please check out my profile for the new poll. I'll see you again eventually.


	19. Blue Ribbons

Don't expect another update anytime soon. I'm in college now.

It only just occurred to me that I could write about this event that occurred at my college as a way to give you all another chapter. It's a pretty sober story. No one gets dunked on today. I'll tell you more at the bottom of the page.

* * *

Blue Ribbons

Lines of children wearing blue shirts walked into the school theater. Linda and Sans stood at the entrance, handing out small blue ribbons with pins.

"Don't say a word, Linda," Sans said quietly.

"What makes you think I'm going to say anything?" Linda snapped back.

"Because you always talk about things like this. You're just going to say something about how she's going to Hell, aren't you?"

"And you always say that I'm the judgmental one…"

"Because you are."

"Well today, I'm not." Linda handed out her last ribbon. "I need more."

Sans handed her a fistful of ribbons from a box at his side. They continued their work in silence for a few moments. Then:

"Did you know her? Audrey, I mean," Linda asked.

Sans shook his head. "She must have liked the color blue. Why else would they have us hand these out?"

"I suppose that's possible." Silence again.

"Does this happen often?" Sans asked suddenly.

"Not at this age, no. It must have been an accident." Linda closed her eyes and shivered a bit. "I can't imagine a child feeling that way."

"Really?" Sans asked. "The way you always talked about this kind of thing, I thought that… well… I don't know."

"That I'd ignore a child in need? My religion doesn't condone this sort of thing, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't want to help."

"I guess not. I'm not an expert at dealing with this sort of thing."

"None of us are, Sans."

They handed out the last of their ribbons. All of the students were settling into their seats.

"It's time," Linda said, pinning a ribbon to her blue blouse. Sans pinned his ribbon to his blue jacket. They nodded solemnly at each other, then walked into the theater together.

* * *

Head canon I don't actually think #21: Audrey liked the color blue. She would have really liked video games like Undertale. At least, I suppose she could have.

* * *

Two weeks ago, I started college. After a few days of orientation, a girl named Audrey died in the hospital. All I've been told is that it was in the hospital, but my Mom says that it was an overdose. I don't know for sure. We were all asked to wear blue shirts to honor her, and some of us were given blue ribbons, too. I didn't know her, but I think she would have been nice to meet.

I'm probably not going to update any of my stories again for a long time; not because of Audrey, but because of school: I don't want to get distracted. College is hard, and I'm not having a good time. I'll probably try to update once a long break comes along, or maybe not until summer. Either way, I look forward to the day where I can write again. Until then.


	20. Happy Poetry Month Linda! Love, Mettaton

*The Reader glances absently through their email, minding their own business, when suddenl—

I'M BACK! AAGGHH!

So yeah I'm back yay. I'm still in college, but this idea came to mind and I decided to take the chance to write something simple while I had the time. Speaking of this update, there's a message for a guest named Mr reader at the end of this story, who is different from The Reader, which is all of you. The message is after the head canon I don't actually think. You can skip that if you want, I'll label it.

See you all at the bottom of the page.

* * *

Happy Poetry Month, Linda! Love, Mettaton

The cafeteria doors burst open and Mettaton EX stepped into the room, arms and grin spread wide. "Hello, beauties and gentle-beauties! Linda," he nodded curtly at the mother.

Linda put a hand over her eyes and looked the other way. Mettaton ignored this and strode up to the snack table, where Flowey was munching on a sugar cookie. He examined the array of treats, then reached for a brownie. Taking a bite, his eyes widened and he choked it down. He glared at Linda.

"What?!" Linda snapped, "you don't even have taste buds, so don't tell me my brownies taste bad!"

"I'm a ghost in a robot, darling. My magic tastes the incredibly strong and utterly unnecessary flavor of broccoli.* If you could actually cook, you wouldn't have to trick your child into eating healthy."

Linda scoffed and put a hand to her chest, but before she could say anything more, Flowey finished his sugar cookie. "Okay, everyone!" he called, opting not to use his Christmas horn. "The meeting can start now! Robobo*, pick me up," he held up his leaves in Mettaton's direction, and Mettaton did as he was told. Once placed at the head of the cafeteria table, Flowey flipped open a folder that had been placed there earlier. "Okay, first order of business," he began, "it's April, and apparently, it's also national Poetry Month." Linda groaned and put a hand to her forehead. "Oh, _now_ what, Linda?"

"Why would we care if it's poetry month? It's just poetry. Besides, it's a useless thing to teach our students, especially nowadays. Haven't you monsters heard of STEM?"

"Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math? Yes, we've heard of it. Ebott Middle School is a STEM magnet school, right?" Flowey folded his leaves. "Just because we're monsters doesn't mean we don't know how schools work. My Mom's friend Dr. Do-nothing* is considering teaching part time in those fields at Ebott College."

"Does he mean Sans' Dad?" Pete asked.

"How does a goat give birth to a flower?" Helen asked.

 _Bee-be-be-DEE-DEE-bee-be-be-DEE-DEE! Bee-be-bebebebe-dee!_

"Order in the cafeteria!" Flowey shouted.

"The point I'm trying to make," Linda continued, "is that the STEM subjects are what our students should be learning for the real world. Poetry is not one of those subjects!"

Mettaton was examining his nails through his gloves. "Nice as that is, Linda, I'm a fan of STEAM myself."

"STEAM?" Linda repeated.

"Science, Technology, Engineering, Art, and Mathematics."

Linda rolled her eyes. "Oh, like art is _so_ important."

"Didn't we discuss this several chapters ago?" Helen asked.

"Sh!" The Author shushed from the corner of the cafeteria, where she was sweeping a square room in a circle.*

"As an idol, Linda, I believe that art is just as important as the other STEAM subjects. Some students are more adept at creative arts, and if we nurture that ability and passion…" Mettaton gazed at the corner of the room with a smile on his face. "We could have some really talented people in this world."

"I don't see it that way," Linda replied.

"I know, dear, and I'm sorry."

"Don't pity me!" Linda snapped. "I don't need pity! I'm just thinking about the jobs that will really be important in the world."

"Idols _are_ important, Linda. Back in the Underground, I was the only star of the stage for monsters. I gave everyone hope on their darkest days, and—"

"Don't make me beep my horn again!" Flowey interrupted angrily. "We're getting way off topic; we're trying to discuss if we should do something for Poetry Month! These are _kids_ , people, literal elementary school children." Mettaton raised his hand. "Yes, Robobo?"

"I think a poetry contest could be a great way for students to get involved for this month. Not required, of course, for those who don't want to write," he looked at Linda knowingly.

"I'm still not sure if we should do this," Linda said slowly, though it was clear she knew it was a fight she wouldn't win.

"If you don't want to do something for Poetry Month, fine," Flowey said. "We can just do something for National Sexual Assault Awareness Month instead."

Linda blanched and made a choking noise.

"That's what I thought," Flowey said. "Alright, all those in favor of a poetry contest for Poetry Month, say 'Aye'."

"Aye!" Several parents said, including Mettaton.

"All those opposed?"

"Nay," Fewer parents said. Linda said nothing.

"The ayes have it. Now, on to our next topic of the meeting…"

* * *

Head canon I don't actually think #22: Mettaton is a strong advocate of STEAM. He thinks the arts are just as important as science and math to the world and to culture.

1*: Apparently, according to the Odd1sOut (Who I don't own, but is kind of cool and you should check him out), some parents put broccoli in brownies to trick their kids into eating vegetables. I'm not sure how that would taste, but I guess Mettaton is in tune with his sense enough to taste the broccoli.

2*: Robobo is the name of a character from Sgt. Frog, or Keroro Gunsou

3*: Dr. Do-nothing is a play on the name Doolittle, the doctor who could talk to animals. Dr. Do-nothing is Dr. Gaster, and Dr. Dumb-little is Dr. Alphys

4*: This a reference to the lyrics of the Sgt. Frog/ Keroro Gunsou opening song, which involves strawberry flavored toothpaste and how long it takes to get to the store. I'm a huge fan of Sgt. Frog, in case you couldn't tell.

* * *

 _ **A Message for Mr reader the Guest Starts Here:**_

Hey. How are you doing? Fine, I hope.

So, I'd like to say congratulations. You gave me the motivation to actually write this chapter. Kudos to you. However, I must also make this face:

:/

Because you sent me a review on my other story, The Cult of Steve, probably because you thought I would be more likely to see it. And you weren't wrong.

However, I must tell you that it was a little disappointing to not get an actual review for that story. If you wanted to let me know that you were eagerly awaiting I'm a Member of the PTA's next update, you could have just sent a review on this story. I'm not mad, and I don't want to sound mean. You're not a brat, and never will be one. I promise you, dear child, I'm not mad. If you want to send me a message saying I hurt your feelings, I won't blame you.

 _ **This Has Been a Message About Things: Message Over**_

* * *

So, what did you think of this story? I squeezed it out in about a half hour, taking a break for dinner. I think it's pretty good. I've often thought that STEAM would be a better group of subjects to focus on, since science and technology are growing fields. But I guess I just didn't want to be alone without a math or engineering degree. I suck at math and science, ha ha.

But never mind my problems, how about your problems? Leave me a review, tell me what you thought, and I'll see you again someday, probably after exams in May. Until then!


	21. Brownies without Chocolate

Exams are over, huzzah! Also, I'm back again. Yay.

I've been thinking about doing a chapter more focused on Chara, since Shadow At Midnight seemed to want one, and since I didn't have any other ideas, I went with this!

Also, I decided to update The List, so that it's more in line with this PTA AU. Hope you like the updates, both for The List and this chapter! See you at the bottom of the page.

* * *

Chapter 20: Brownies without Chocolate

Linda blinked. In the second she blinked, all of the other parents and teachers had disappeared, and now she was all alone. She looked around wildly. There was no way everyone could be playing a prank on her so suddenly. Though with Sans at the lead, anything could be possible. What _was_ this?

"What _is_ this?" She asked aloud.

"Not much. Just wanted to chat with you a bit." Linda jumped and nearly fell out of her chair. She whipped around and came face to face with a child in a green and yellow striped sweater. They looked familiar…

"Frisk? You _can_ talk! I _knew_ the mute thing was just an act, I—"

"Finish that sentence and I'll cut you, Linda. I'm not Frisk, though I have been told we look alike."

"Then who _are_ you? And how did you know my name?"

"Chara's the name, haunting's my game. I know a lot of things. I get around a lot, and I've heard some very interesting things today. Namely, from your own mouth."

Linda straightened up in her seat at the science class table and glared down at Chara. Chara didn't flinch. "Don't you know it's rude to spy on people? Didn't your parents teach you anything?" Linda snapped.

"Yeah, but they don't have to know. And as long as I don't tell you who they are, you can't tell on me. Anyway, as I was saying, before I was so _rudely_ interrupted…"

Linda sniffed and turned up her nose. This did not deter Chara.

"I heard you talking smack about Frisk to Helen and Janice. I heard you say that they've been brainwashed by monsters and 'have a few screws loose', as you put it. Of course, I can't forgive you for that; monsters are so much better than humans. We don't deserve them. And I know," Chara lifted a hand to silence Linda's opening mouth, "I know that you'll just think I'm another stupid kid who only likes monsters because they came out of story books. I can take the heat from you. But one thing I absolutely can _not_ forgive you for, is…" Chara brought a tray out from behind their back and lifted the plastic wrap. "Your brownies don't have real chocolate in them!"

Linda rolled her eyes. "Please, like that's _so_ bad." Chara's eye twitched. "Besides, do I _look_ like I need the extra poundage? It's better to make brownies with substitutes so that me and my child can be healthy, and—"

 ** _"NO CHOCOLATE!"_** Chara's eyes exploded with black blood as they threw the tray at Linda's face.

Linda screamed and jumped up from where she had been resting her head on the table. Toriel, who was sitting next to her, looked at her with concern. "Are you alright, Linda?"

"No! I mean—I don't know!" Linda smacked herself in the head. "I had a dream, but I can't remember what it was."

"Well, that's what you get for sleeping at the meeting," Flowey said from the head of the science classroom. Linda glared at him.

 _Was it really a dream?_ Linda wondered as Flowey droned on about the success of the poetry contest from last month. She absently glanced at the hand she had been resting her chin on and did a double take. Written in pen on her palm was "It wasn't a dream." On her wrist were the words: "Look at your other hand." Linda looked at her right hand and saw a chocolate bar taped to her palm. Linda shrieked again.

"SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING, LINDA!" Flowey shouted. "Now, where was I? Oh yeah, the poetry winner…"

* * *

Head Canon I Don't Actually Think #23: Linda uses chocolate substitutes in her brownies. This, combined with the broccoli technique mentioned last chapter, makes the brownies taste… indescribable.

Head Canon I Don't Actually Think #24: Chara can make chocolate appear out of thin air, but only for other people. This irritates them to no end.

* * *

So, how was it? I'd like to know how I can improve my stories, given that's what I want to do when I grow up.

Exams are over, like I said, so I'll be doing more writing starting Monday, hopefully. I'll probably update The Author, The Rogues, and The Oni at the first chance I get. If that sounds interesting to you, I'd highly recommend you read it! (Please.)

So, how did you like it? Here's looking at you, Shadow At Midnight, since you gave me some inspiration for this chapter. Leave a review, tell me what you thought, check out the updated list, and check out my profile and other stories while you're at it. See you later!


	22. Gluten and Headstands

Guess what day it is! Guess. Guess guess guess.

Iiiiit's my birthday! (And there was much rejoicing. Yay.)

I knew I needed to do something for my birthday, so I decided to post a PTA chapter about it! Hoepfully, it won't end up like last year where someone threatened to kill me if I didn't do a story line they wanted, haha. (Don't worry, I'm kind of over it now and it doesn't bother me that much. I'm fine, don't worry.)

Anyway, for my birthday present from you, I'd like… for you to read the bottom author's note on this chapter! Don't worry, I'm not asking much. See you at the bottom of the page.

* * *

Chapter 21: Gluten and Head Stands

The first thing Sans noticed when he walked into the cafeteria was that The Author had some gift bows and ribbons in her hair and hanging off her glasses, which bounced whenever she turned her head. Truly, the most festive of looks. He knew what day it was.

"Happy birthday, Author," Sans said, nodding at The Author as she mopped the same spot on the cafeteria floor she'd been mopping for the past ten minutes.

"Thanks, Sans. I really appreciate it," she replied.

"Oh, Author, my daughter Mary made you something. Happy birthday," Gloria said as she handed The Author a tiny wrapped box. Mary stayed close to her mother's side and looked at the ground shyly. The Author opened it, revealing a handmade button with a pen crossed over a sword on it.*

"Oh, Mary, you didn't have to do this. Thank you." The Author pinned the button to her pale pink #2 Sister shirt and patted Mary on the head.

"Ah, Author. Happy birthday. You've been with us for roughly two years now?" Linda said as she ate one of her own brownies.

"Two or three, I can't quite remember. They say time flies," The Author said, dipping the mop in a bucket of soapy water.

"It certainly does. Just a few years ago, my little Sam started kindergarten, and now look at him!" Sam was busy dutifully eating his mother's brownies.  
The Author smiled, but said nothing about this.* "Oh, I should mention to everyone: my Mom made cookies for my birthday, so feel free to take some. Hi Mom," The Author waved at The Mom, who was handing out cookies to the parents and teachers.

Linda eyed the cookies warily. "Are they gluten free?" she asked.

The Author looked sheepishly down at the spot she'd been mopping. "Sorry, Linda, we didn't have any gluten free flour at home. But I do have some bags of chips that might be gluten free if you're interested."

Linda shook her head. "Thanks, but no thanks. Chips are too fattening." Sam looked down at his brownie. The Author paused mopping to pap him on the shoulder.

"Sorry, Sam. I'll bring some gluten free cookies from the store next time, okay?" Sam brightened a bit. "It's part of your diet, right? You can't have gluten?"

Sam nodded. "I wish I _could_ eat gluten. Everyone always makes it seem like such a bad thing to make gluten free food."

"I hear you, Sam. I have some church friends who can't eat gluten. Think of it this way; you may not be able to eat gluten, but you can stand on your head. Not everyone can do that. _I_ certainly can't."

Sam smiled. "Hey, wanna see me do it?"

"Sure."

Sam stood from the cafeteria table and bent over. "Be careful, Sam," Linda called. Sam positioned his hands on the floor, paused to get ready, and pushed himself up. After swaying a bit, he stood on his head just fine.

"Look at that, Sam. That takes some real upper body strength. I think. I don't know the particulars of head-standing muscles." The Author put her mop in the bucket again.

"Okay, everyone, time for the meeting to start," Flowey said. "But, before we begin, we must sing the ancient ritual melody of birth for The Author."

"Can't you just call it the happy birthday song?" Linda asked sharply.

"Nah, my way is more fun. All together now…"

Everyone joined in to sing a slightly out of tune happy birthday tune, to which The Author smiled and hid behind the handle of her mop.

* * *

Head Canon I Don't Actually Think #25: Sam, the child of Linda, can't eat gluten, which is why his mother is such an advocate for gluten free meals. The PTA has been attempting to include healthier, more dietarily friendly food for kids to buy in the cafeteria, with decent success.

*1: This image is a play on the saying: the pen is mightier than the sword.

*2: I'm writing an original story (I won't tell you what it's about, in case you try to steal my idea), but there are mentions of a Linda and her _child_ Sam (emphasis on _child_ ).

* * *

Did I seem like a Mary-Sue? I feel like I'm a bit of a Mary-Sue in this story. Tell me if I was in a review.

Speaking of reviews, that's my birthday gift from you to me. Leave a review, telling me which chapter or which characters you like the most. Maybe I'll write the next chapter about those characters or topics! Or maybe I won't, who knows.

Anyway, tell me what you thought of this chapter, and I'll see you all next time. Until then!


	23. No-kemon and Other Anime

Look who's here? It's me, Yours The Author!

So, I'm going to be busy all day tomorrow with something special, so I decided to write this today. I hope you like it. I'll see you at the bottom of the page.

* * *

Chapter 22: _No-_ kemon and Other Anime

"Frisk, _what_ did you do to your _hair?_ It looks _ridiculous,"_ Linda said, turning her nose up at the child.

Frisk's hair was gelled into spikes, which were sticking up at different angles. In place of their usual striped sweater, they were wearing an orange short sleeve shirt with a green vest and cargo pants. They were fiddling with a red and white ball in one hand.

"F-frisk is dressed as Brock from Pokémon. You know, the anime and g-game?" Alphys stuttered. She was wearing a pale blue mini dress and a flower crown.

"I've heard of it… I think," Linda replied.

"I should hope so, punk! Your kid wears a Pokémon shirt almost every day!" Undyne was wearing a yellow suit with red gloves and a white cape.

"Well, it—it doesn't matter if I know what they're dressed as or not! Why are you all dressed like it's Halloween?"

"It's anime convention season, Linda! Which reminds me, I brought Pokémon themed tea cookies for the snack table! NGAAH!" Undyne chucked a paper plate of poke-ball shaped tea cookies into the air and onto the snack table, knocking a tray of lemon bars off.

"It keeps happening!" Helen wailed.

"I-I warned you about lemon squares, bro! I-I told you, dog!" Alphys shot back.

"My point still stands, Undyne. You all look ridiculous. Your attire is hardly an appropriate example for the children."

"What, you mean looking awesome? Honoring a favorite character? Yeah, right—how could that _possibly_ be a good example for the kids?" Undyne smiled sarcastically, revealing her perfect fangs. Linda flinched.

"Hold your horses, people!" Flowey yelled. Gloria passed around a box of tiny ceramic horses and everyone held one in each hand. "Thank you. Now, listen up, everyone: the only rule I'm instating for cosplay is this: keep it PG. Wear only what you would wear in front of your grandparents, as the saying goes."

"No one says that," said Linda.

"Hush! Also, we need to discuss the missing umbrella problem at the monster x human school. Any ideas?"

Frisk raised their hand. "Frisk, you can't say—oh, who am I kidding; no one cares," Linda grumbled.

"Yes, Frisk?" Flowey asked.

 _How about we use frying pans instead?_ Frisk signed.

"What?" Everyone said.

Frisk grinned and equipped a frying pan. _Because a frying pan can be used…_ they held the pan over their head, _…as a_ drying _pan!_

Linda made a dying noise.

"Ha ha, Frisk. _Very_ funny," Flowey said monotonously. "I was hoping for a _real_ suggestion?" Gloria raised her hand. "Yes, Gloria?"

"How about we do another fundraiser to buy umbrellas for everyone in the school? You know, instead of wasting the money on towels or whatever people like The Official PTA Person Whose Only Purpose is to Progress the Plot think we need fundraiser money for."

"Isn't his nickname Otto? Why not just call him that?" Helen asked.

"Good point, Helen. Why don't we get fundraiser money for something useful instead of what people like Otto think we need it for?"

" _Thank you_ , Gloria. All in favor of such an idea, say 'aye'."

"Aye," several parents and teachers said.

"All those opposed?"

"Nay," a few people said.

"The ayes have it. Now, onto our next topic…"

* * *

Head Canon I Don't Actually Think #26: Alphys and Undyne, while huge fans of things like Mew Mew Kissy Cutie, have a soft spot in their hearts for the original manga writer, Osamu Tezuka and his famous work "Astro Boy".

* * *

So, what did you think? I feel like the anime club at the monster x human school (if they have one) would probably go on field trips to conventions (with parental permission, of course), with Alphys and Undyne leading, natürlich. Bonus points if you can figure out any of the references in this story. I'll give you one: the costume Alphys is wearing is the one in the animated YouTube video "Fishy Love" by GaelRice, who I don't know or have any connection to. Just saying.

Now, what's this special thing I'm doing tomorrow? I'm going to an anime convention! Animazement in Raleigh, North Carolina, USA. I just happen to be in town for the final day, so I decided to go! I'm not going as a special guest or as a speaker at any panels, but I'll just be wandering around the area, doing my own thing. If you think you'll be there tomorrow, and you want to say hi, look for a Circus Baby and ask if she's Yours The Author. If she says yes, it's me! If not, it's not. It's as simple as that.

Also, not that I have any connection to the following story writer or anything, but if you want something good to read while you're waiting for this story to update, may I recommend "Two Worlds" on Archive of Our Own? To find it, google "PTA Undertale" and look for the PTA Sans link to AO3. It should be one of the first stories you find. Message end.

So, please, tell me what you thought, and I'll see you later. Also, I know it's a little late for it, but I noticed that at least one of you was confused about the chapter "Blue Ribbons", so I'll tell you:

Suicide.

Blue Ribbons was about suicide.


	24. You Are Here

The Reader: What? What did you say?

The Author: I'm updating I'm a Member of the PTA!

The Reader: WHAT?

The Author: I'M UPDATING I'M A MEMBER OF THE PTA!

The Reader: YOU'RE UPDATING I'M A MEMBER OF THE PTA?

The Author: YEAH!

So hey I'm back yay. I won't keep you waiting, but before you jump into the story, I should mention that the opening joke is a reference to jacksfilms Alexander Hamilton videos. Look it up on YouTube, and you'll see. See you at the bottom of the page.

* * *

Chapter 23: You Are Here

"… And then he says: Alexander Has-No-Skin!" Gloria snickered, which made Sans smile even more. Linda put her hand over her eyes and groaned. Helen flipped to the next page of her lemon square magazine.

"For Pete's sake, Smiley One; SHUT UP!" Flowey yelled.

"Thank you," said Pete, who was allergic to puns.

"Any time, Pete. Now, if we could get back to the topic of the fifth graders field trip? The classes have voted for a trip to the Nearby Art Museum, specifically the You Are Here exhibit."

"What's that exhibit about?" Helen asked.

"It's like a normal art exhibit, but more interactive."

Linda rolled her eyes. "What is it with everyone and art these days?"

"You're the one who keeps pointing it out, Linda," Sans said, no longer smiling as much.

"I just think that a trip to the Nearby Science and History Museum would be more beneficial to the students. What good is looking at pictures going to do for the children? I vote we overrule the student's decision and set up a field trip to the Nearby Science and History Museum."

"Oh, and _that's_ supposed to make the kids happy?" Sans asked. "Linda, if we do that, we're teaching the kids that there's no point in voting or making decisions for themselves. Besides, this art exhibit isn't about looking at pictures. It's more like… well, I think Flowey has the brochure."

"I do indeed," Flowey said, flipping open the brochure in front of him. "The You Are Here exhibit at the Nearby Art Museum mixes light, sound, and history to create several different exhibits. It's real popular with college students, but younger audiences can have fun with it, too. And the Smiley One is right, Linda. Overturning the student's vote would just teach them to never try to change or vote for anything, since it won't matter to the people in charge. Is that _really_ a lesson you want to teach your kid?"

Linda was quiet for a moment. "I… suppose you have a point. You mentioned this art exhibit has history elements to it?"

"Among other things, yeah," Flowey replied.

"Then I guess it's okay… I'd like to volunteer as a field trip chaperone if that's alright."

"Sure, Linda. Welcome aboard." Sans smiled more genuinely.

* * *

Head Canon I Don't Actually Think #27: Linda got a college degree in the arts, but never ended up using it for anything. That's why she's so insistent on science and mathematics.

* * *

So, a few days ago, I went to a nearby art museum (not the actual name, of course,) and visited an art exhibition called You Are Here. It was really cool. I highly recommend it, but if you want to go, you'd better hurry. It ends some time in July. I think.

So, did you like this one? I seem to be focusing on art a lot. I wonder what that means. Anyway, leave a review, tell me what you thought, and I'll see you later. Until then!

(Also, if you could read my Cult Series, I'd really appreciate it. I know I _can't_ be the only Hetalia and Undertale fan out there.)


	25. Happy Independence Days!

Happy belated Canada Day and Fourth of July! I know I'm late, but my family was hosting a small party for my neighbor and some of my sister's friends, so I didn't have time to write anything yesterday. I included Canada Day since it's so close to the fourth. Anyway, enough about that. I'll see you at the bottom of the page.

* * *

Chapter 24: Happy Independence Days!

 _'Cause baby you're a fiiiiiiiiiiiirework! Come on, let your cooooooolors burst!_

"What even _is_ that song?" Sans said, switching the radio in the announcement room off.

"It's a song about being yourself, and not letting anyone make you feel like less than you are," Helen said. Everyone looked at her. "What? I have other interests besides lemon squares. Not many, but I have them."

"Actually, that song conveniently relates to the main topic of today's meeting," said Flowey. "The first and fourth of July are almost here. Not that I know what those are, anyway. I mean, May the fourth, I get, since it's some nerd holiday. But what's so special about the first and fourth, aside from the sudden availability of fireworks?"

Linda rolled her eyes. "Didn't your oh-so-special-ambassador tell you monsters anything about the countries you're living in?" Frisk stuck out their tongue at her. "Control your child, Sans!"

"Control your mother, Sam," Sans told her son. Linda ground her teeth and glared at the skeleton.

"Haven't the monsters been here for over three years? How are they just now finding out about the fourth of July?" Helen asked aloud.

"Sh!" The Author shushed her from across the announcement room where she was wiping a desk with a wet wipe.

"Well, I guess I'll tell them. The fourth of July is the day the United States celebrate their independence from British rule," Linda said.

"That's probably the most professional thing I've ever heard you say, Linda," Sans replied.

"Don't test me, Sans!"

"Why, because you would fail?"

Linda screamed without opening her mouth.

Flowey smacked his tiny hammer against the table. "Back to the subject at hand, please? If the fourth of July is for the US, what's the first?"

"Hang on, I'll look it up," Sans said, pulling out his cell phone. Probably a magical cell phone, I don't know. Don't ask. "Okay, apparently the first is basically the same as the fourth, but for Canada."

"No one cares about Canada," Linda muttered.

"Oh, you'd be surprised," The Author replied. Some Canada fans were standing next to her, cracking their knuckles and glaring at Linda.

"How'd she even hear me?" Linda flinched, looking away from the fans.

Frisk's hand shot up suddenly, because the plot needed to hurry along. "Yes, Frisk?" Flowey asked.

 _Why don't we hold an event where the monsters can learn about the history of the US and Canada, since that's where most of the monsters live? Since we're in the America, we could make Americana decorations and deserts and give out sparklers for everyone to play with!_

"That… actually sounds like a good idea, Frisk," Linda said slowly.

"I second that," Flowey said, "mostly because I want to play with sparklers. We'd have to get permission from the school board, but it could be something really cool. I'll need some volunteers to come with me and convince the higher ups. Oh, and we'd need the PTA president to help out, too."

"HOI! It's Temmie!" A Temmie shouted from the back of the announcement room.

"Yes, we know who the president is," Flowey snapped. "Alright, we'll probably need Frisk for this since they're the monster ambassador. Are there any human parents who want to volunteer as guides for the monsters?"

A few parents raised their hands, Linda included. Sans raised a bone brow at her.

"What? Just because I'm not a big fan of monsters doesn't mean I don't want people to learn about things."

"Alright, that should be enough people," Flowey said. "I'll schedule a meeting with the school board, hopefully before the first and fourth. It'd be nice to hold this event on the fourth, wouldn't it?" Everyone nodded. "Cool. I guess the meeting's over, then. Everyone go home." Everyone picked up their things and got up to leave.

* * *

Head Canon I Don't Actually Think #28: The monsters were banished underground long before the independence days of Canada and the US. Otherwise, there'd probably be more recent stories about monsters in history books.

Head Canon I Don't Actually Think #29: The monsters live mostly in Canada and the US. Mt. Ebott and Ebott Town are fairly close to the America-Canadian border. There are some monsters that moved to other parts of the world (Mettaton travels quite frequently), but there aren't many. Monster rights are still being ironed out close to Ebott, so most monsters don't want to risk it.

* * *

So, as Helen said, why didn't the monsters know about their respective Independence days?

… Shush.

Speaking of Bendy and the Ink Machine (I know, perfect Segway, right?), I have a poll on my profile that you should check out. I think I know what I want to do with it, but some reader participation would be nice. Please take a look.

When will I return to this story? No idea. Maybe not for a while. I tend to write when inspiration strikes, so… yeah.

Never mind my problems, how about your problems? Tell me what you thought of this chapter, and I'll see you later! Until then!\


	26. Sigh-ence Fair

STOP! WAIT A MINUTE! Fan my fics, put some Alphyne in it! WOO!

So hey I'm back yay. I had some free time and I decided to write. There's a hurricane passing through, so I figured I'd do some homework before the storm hit. I'm not finished with all of my homework, but I can put it off a little longer.

Anyway, some Alphyne! Yay! And some maternal Linda, as well. Also yay! I hope you like when she's a little kinder. I know I do. Anyway, see you at the bottom of the page.

* * *

Chapter 25: Sigh-ence Fair

"Where the heck is Dr. Dumb-little?" Flowey hissed behind the curtain of the stage.

"He already went on, Flowey—" Linda began to hiss back.

"No, not Gaster! I mean Dr. Alphys! You know, Dumb-little?"

Linda rolled her eyes. "Didn't she say she was waiting for someone?"

"Like I pay attention to what she says—"

"Where is Dr. Alphys, Flowey?" Toriel hurried quietly up to the two of them and peeked through the curtain. A small crowd of monster and human parents, teachers, and students were sitting in the theater seats, looking at their phones or whispering to each other. "She was supposed to go on stage half a minute ago!"

"That's what we're trying to figure out, Mom! Linda, did you check the bake sale area?"

"Muffet said she didn't see her there," Linda replied. "We need a distraction. I can look for her in the bathroom in the cafeteria if you can get someone to keep the crowd busy."

"I can do that." Linda jumped and turned to see Sans behind her in a white lab coat.

"You?"

"You seem to forget that I have several PHDs. I can work some magic, figuratively and literally."

Linda sniffed. "Fine, just do it. Oh, she is _so_ going to get it once this is over…"

Sans put his hands in his pockets and walked out onstage. Linda opened the side door to the stage and hurried to the cafeteria. She sped past Muffet's bake sale table and opened the girl's bathroom door. One of the stalls was closed.

"Dr. Alphys?" Linda called, knocking on the stall. "Dr. Alphys, you were supposed to go on stage two minutes ago! Why aren't you-?"

 _Sniff…sniff…_

Linda paused. "…Dr. Alphys? The stall door opened and Alphys peered out at the mother. She was crying.

"I can't go on, Linda," she sniffled.

"Why not?"

"Undyne called me. She was supposed to go to the hospital because her eye was getting infected. It's taking them way longer than they thought to clean it up, and she won't be here for another hour! I-I can't go on without her in the crowd! I-I'm scared…!"

"…Monsters can get infections?" Was all Linda could think.

"W-well, yes, the bacteria on the surface is different from what would be the monster equivalent, and—!" Alphys' tail thumped on the floor. "Y-you're missing the point! I can't go on the stage! She always makes me feel safe when I have to give speeches or seminars! If she's not there, I'm… I'm gonna mess up!"

Linda put her hand to her chin and pondered a moment while Alphys wiped her glasses on her lab coat.

Alphys had agreed, after much pushing from Undyne, to give a speech on monster and human biologies as the final event of the science fair. If Linda couldn't get Alphys on that stage, it would look really bad on the PTA, which would mean _she_ would look bad. Linda didn't have a lot in her life, so the PTA was her proudest role besides that of being a mother. If Undyne couldn't come to the fair, could she bring the fair to Undyne? Wait…

Lidna snapped her fingers. "That might be it!"

"H-huh?"

"Give me your phone. Open it first, obviously! Now let's see…" Linda plucked the phone from Alphys' claw and opened the Skype app (which The Author doesn't own), scanning for Undyne's name.

"O-of course!" Alphys exclaimed as Linda returned the phone.

The screen blinked blue, then white. Undyne was lying in a cot with some bandages over her bad eye. "Hey, babe, how are you—wait, are you crying? What happened?!"

Linda peeked over Alphys' shoulder. "There's no time for hellos. Dr. Alphys needs to be on stage, and _you_ need to be her guardian angel or whatever the monster equivalent of that is! Now hurry, Sans has been stalling for nearly three minutes now! Go, I'll catch up with you!"

"R-right!" Alphys squeezed past Linda and hurried to the theater. Linda watched her go. It was… strange, to say the least, seeing two women love and rely on each other like that. Her religion didn't really condone this, yet this didn't seem wrong. Then again, there were a lot of things her religion didn't allow that were happening all the time. Linda shook her head and walked out of the bathroom. Religion had its own day. Today was a day for science.

* * *

Head Canon I Don't Actually Think #30: Monsters who moved up to the surface were exposed to new germs, as most people tend to do when they go somewhere new. Usually, since monster bodies are mostly magic, the germs don't affect them that much. However, there can be some exceptions, such as open or old wounds like Undyne's eye.

* * *

I'm not sure if you've noticed, but the Head Canons I Don't Actually Think are becoming more and more actually what I think. Some are obviously silly, but others are not. Interpret that as you will.

So. I have a poll on my profile. Please check it out. Please. Anyway, leave a review, tell me what you thought, and I'll see you another day. Until then!


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